A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally, he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. "Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son who just died recently." "I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "Is there anything I can do for you?" "Yes," she said. "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Goodbye mother'? It would make me feel much better." "Sure," answered the young man. As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye mother!" As he stepped up to

Why is the letter E like London? Because it is the Capital of England

What disasters would happen if a waiter dropped a plate of turkey? The downfall of Greece, the overthrow of Turkey and the break up of China

What are the blonde's first words after 4 years of college? "Would you like fries with that?"

Knock-Knock? Who's there? Alison. Alison who? Alison (I listen) to the radio sometimes!

A man is walking down the street. Further down the street he notices Little Johnny. Little Johnny is sitting in a red wagon, wearing a fireman's hat. The wagon is tied to a dog, by its balls. The man says to LittleJohnny "Little Johnny you could go alot further, if you tied the rope around the dogs neck." Little Johnny replies "If I did that, I wouldn't have a siren"

A market researcher called at a house and his knock was answered by a young woman with three small children running around her. He asked her if she minded replying to his questions and she agreed. He asked her if she knew his company, Cheeseborough Ponds. When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products was Vaseline and she certainly knew of that product. When asked if she used it, the answer was "Yes." Asked how she used it, she said, "To assist sexual intercourse." The interviewer was amazed. He said, "I always ask that question because everyone uses our product and they always say they use it for the child's bicycle chain, or the gate hinge; but I know that most use it for s

Once there was a girl who wanted larger breasts, so one day she went to see her doctor, Dr. Smith. Dr. Smith told her to rub her breasts and repeat the following: "SCOOBIE,DOOBIE,LOOBIE, I WANT BIGGER BOOBIES". One day she was running late, and decided to do her exercises on the bus when a guy came up to her and asked if she was a patient of Dr. Smith's, to which she replied: "Yes, how did you know?". He replied "HICKORY DICKORY DOC!"

A son walks into the living room and asks his dad to borrow the car because he has a hot date. The dad says, ''Sure, as soon as you cut your long hair.'' The boy smiles and thinking he has outsmarted his dad replies, ''Dad, Jesus had long hair...'' And the dad replied, ''Yeah, and Jesus walked everywhere he went too, didn''t he?''

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die." "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will rega

Yo' mama so poor, all she got you for Christmas was a video of other kids playin' with their toys!

What does it mean when a blonde is saying, "yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no?" She's testing if her brunette friend's turn signal is working!