Can you decipher this phrase? U P Broken up!

This is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86-year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times. Dear Sir: I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of pena

Is One Foot Enough??? A girl in the U.S. lived very far away from her mother. One day, the girl became engaged but discovered her fiance had only one foot. The girl, surprised sent her mother a letter asking for advice. The letter began, "Mother, my husband has only one foot..." The mother upon receiving the letter was confused on why that was a problem. She immediately wrote back to her daughter saying, "Dear, one foot is enough. your father has only 7 inches!!!"

A stockbroker is beginning his jail sentence for fraud, and meets his cell-mate for next seven years. He stares in shock at the weirdo next to him, when the psycopath says, "Don't worry, I'm in here for a white-collar crime as well." The stockbroker is very relieved, and asks what crime the man had committed. The wild-haired, unkempt freak replies, "I killed a priest!"

汤姆教授有事，无法教下午的课。于是去教室黑板上写了个通知： Prof. Tom will not meet his classes this afternoon. 有个调皮的学生看到后，想跟教授开个玩笑，把classes前面的c擦 掉了。 汤姆教授中午路过教室时又顺路进去了一下，忍不住笑了，随手又 擦掉了l。

I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that there is no bad news. The bad news is that there is no good news.

In the city of Gilacopa during the year of 1832 there was a great poet. He wrote some of the most beautiful poems the world had ever known. One day his assistant was in his office and he noticed a sheet of paper on his desk and he figured it must of been the poets newest work. The assistant could not understand the poem so he took it over to the neighbor whom was much wiser than he. The neighbor looked at the poem and declared, "It is clearly a tribute to the troops in Iraq", but this could not be so since this was the 1830's and there was no war in Iraq yet, so they took the poem to the psychologist who was much wiser than they. The pychologist looked at this and said, "This is obviously

I always find myself arguing with my sister over who got up earliest in the morning. It's ridiculous. I have to remind myself that I really don't care. Usually this is what happens... (sister walks into the room) Her: Hey. What time did you get up this morning? Me: Um...around 9:00. Her: Oh. I woke up at 7:30. Me: Well, I woke up at 6 and didn't get back to sleep until 8:00. It always takes me a while to get back to sleep... Her: Yeah, I got up a bunch of times this morning. The dog woke me up. Me: (under my breath) Dammit.

Q. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's day? A. Regular Rocks are too heavy!

Me: Do you wanna hear a good joke? Amy: Yes! Me: Me too!

Can you tell the headline by the satirical publication "The Onion" from these real headlines? "Couple recalls war years, 63 years of marriage.'' "Gun who killed officer said to have mental problems." "Smokers asked to keep butts off beach." "Volunteers needed to help abuse victims." "Study finds link between red wine, letting mother know what you really think." "Orleans seeks tenants for new jail." Answers: 1. "Sudbury Town Crier" (Massachusetts) 2. "Times-Standard" (Eureka, California) 3. "San Diego Union-Tribune" 4. "Santa Barbara News-Press" 5. "The Onion" 6. "Daily News" (Batavia, New York)

The molbos have a long way to the forest so they must rise early to collect wood. One morning some of them drove to the forest to bring home a tree they had bought. But on the way the one who drove first happened to lose his axe, and when the others saw that, they thought he threw it away on purpose, so they threw away their axes as well. Now, as they stood in the forest, they had nothing with which to chop, they didn't know what to do at all, and they certainly didn't want to come home empty-handed. Finally one of them had the brilliant idea to pull the tree down; but as they hadn't brought a rope, one of them had to climb the tree and lay his head in the cleavage between two branches then