Popular Jokes
Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.
Did you hear about France's new weapons contracts?
They gave one to Ace Hardware to produce 250,000 wood sticks . . . They are still looking for a company to produce 250,000 little white flags.
Twenty Something - The cost of a sitter for Saturday night.
Fancy Restaurant - One that serves cold soup on purpose.
College - The four-year period when parents are permitted access to their home telephone.
Hors D'oeuvres - A sandwich cut into 20 pieces.
Kissing - A means of getting two people so close together that they can't see anything wrong with each other.
Emergency Numbers - Police station, Fire Department and fast food places that deliver.
One evening, a woman received an unexpected call from a ticket clerk at a major airline. He read a list of names and asked if she knew any of the people.
"Yes," she said, "they're all friends of my son. How can I help you?"
"The crew was cleaning a plane, and they found this address book," the clerk explained. "After seeing no identification, we looked through the entries and found one we knew could help us. It was under M for Mom."
A man named John was walking back to his house, when a stranger walked up to him and said, "I'll give you tree beans if you give me your house." But John was drunk, so he thought he said, "If you give me tree beans, I'll give you my house."
So John said, "Yes." And while he was taking out some beans, the stranger gave him three beans and ran in his house. John hollered, "WAIT! YOU HAVE TO FEED THE DOGS OR THEY WILL ATTACK YOU CRAZILY!" But the stranger didn't hear him fully and replied, "Oh. Don't feed the dogs? O.k.!"
The next day the stranger came out, all torn up and came to John and said, "I want my beans back."
A 15-year-old boy discovered, having supressed it for years, that he was a homosexual. After gathering courage, he decided to tell his father.
He entered the living room where his father sat, reading the newspaper. Reluctantly, he said, "Dad?..."
His father looked up. "Yes, son?"
"Dad...", the boy stopped for a second, "I'm... I'm gay."
The boy looked at his father eagerly. To his surprise, he didn't even flinch.
"Alright, son," he said. "But let me ask you something. Do you participate in gay pride marches?"
"No, but.."
"Do you," his father interrupted him, "use words such as 'fabulous' more than ten times a day?"
"No..."
"Do you shop for clothes more than twice a month and make su
#1 At a Gift shop Counter
'"My One and only" Valentine cards,
Is now available in Multi-packs!!'
#2 At a Washing Machine in a Washers
'When Finished, Please Remove Pants'
#3 At a Handdryer in a Toilet
'Warning: Please do not operate this machine with wet hands!'
#4 At a Highway beside a river
'Warning: Road closed due to flood if you don't see this sign!'
#5 At a Repair Shop
Sign at door: 'We repair anything!'
Sign at bell: 'Sorry, Bell broken."
I'm not being rascist, this actually happened to me.
I was driving my car late at night along a fairly busy road, when I came across a very busy junction. Coming towards me, on the wrong side of the road, with no lights on except for the left indicator, was an Asian lady in her 4x4. I stopped, and started to back up, and she stopped at the junction as well, and turned right down another road (with her left indicator still on), and also still on the wrong side.
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