A kid said to his Dad, "In school I learned Pluto is in outerspace. But they didn't say where Mickey is."

In Speech, Bush Calls Iraq, Iran, and North Korea 'Axis of Evil"-N.Y. Times, 1/30/02 ANGERED BY SNUBBING, LIBYA, CHINA, and SYRIA FORM AXIS OF JUST AS EVIL; Cuba, Sudan, Serbia Form Axis of Somewhat Evil; Other Nations Start Own Clubs Beijing. - Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they said would be way eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address. Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are Just as Evil...in their dreams!" d

byuuyntfifgjrfnbrft9tn ...told you so.

FLATTERY - What your kid does when they want something. EAT VEGETABLES - What your kid does when they want dessert. Usually. BEG, CRY, or WHINE - What your kid does when they want something you don't want to give them. CALL - What your kid does when they get a good grade. "FORGET" TO CALL - What your kid does when they do NOT get a good grade. BRUSH TEETH - What your kid promises to do so you will let them eat candy. And then they forget. DRINK MILK - What your kid does after they heat it up and add hot chocolate powder. SPILL WATER - What your kid does when they want to drink soda instead. DROP THEIR LUNCH - What your kid does when they don't like what you made for them. PRETEND TO

Think before you speak... Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back, or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did.... FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better. SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After brow

Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your Amazonian whipping?" The German responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move. The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, "What do you want on your back?" "I will take nothing!" says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch. "What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the American.

# Zero is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals # Kites were used in the American Civil War to deliver letters and newspapers. # The song, "Auld Lang Syne" is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost every English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year. # For every real Christmas tree harvested, two to three seedlings are planted in its place. # Drinking water after eating reduces the acid in your mouth by 61 percent # Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn't smoke unless it's heated above 450°F # The Shell Oil Company originally began as a novelty shop in London that sold seashells # The roar that we hear when we place a

30 The country called the Land of Rising Sun is Japan 31 Mount Everest was named after Sir George Everest 32 The volcano Vesuvias is located in Italy 33 The country known as the Suger Bowl of the world is Cuba 34 The length of the Suez Canal is 162.5 kilometres 35 The lowest point on earth is the coastal area of Dead Sea 36 The Gurkhas are the original inhabitants of Nepal 37 The largest ocean of the world is the Pacific ocean 38 The largest bell in the world is the Tsar Kolkol at Kremlin, Moscow 39 The biggest stadium in the world is the Strahov Stadium, Prague 40 The world's largest diamond producing country is South Africa 41 Australia was discovered by James Cook 42 The first Governor Ge

IN 24 HOURS AVERAGE HUMAN 1) HEART beats 103,689 times. 2) LUNGS respire 23,045 times. 3) BLOOD flows 1,680,000 miles. 4) NAILS grow 0.00007 inches. 5) HAIR grows 0.01715 inches. 6) Take 2.9 pounds WATER (including all liquids.) 7) Take of 3.25 pounds FOOD. 8) Breathes 438 cubic feet AIR. 9) Lose 85.60 BODY TEMPERATURE. 10) Produce 1.43 pints of SWEAT. 11) Speak 4,800 WORDS. 12) During SLEEP move 25.4 times.

Big Bad Wolf: The big bad wolf said to Little Red Riding Hood, "unbutton your blouse and let me suck your tits." "Fuck off," she replied as she tugged down her panties. "Eat me, like the fuckin' book says." Pinocchio: Pinocchio was fed up with the recent complaints from his wife. "Every time we make love, I get splinters." So Pinocchio went back to his maker, Gepetto the Carpenter, for advice. "Sandpaper," said the carpenter, "that's what you need." Pinocchio took the sandpaper home. A few weeks later, the carpenter bumped into Pinocchio again. "How are you getting along with the girls now?" "Who needs girls?" replied Pinocchio. Cinderella: Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her w

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy!

A lovely young lady named Kim Went down to the river to swim A man in a punt Stuck an oar in her eye And now she has to wear glasses.