Popular Jokes
I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs.
Sam Goldwyn.
One day at a school for the deaf (hearing impaired), they decide to have one of the students lead a pep rally for the football team. Here's how it went.
Rally leader: What are we gonna do?
Ralliers: Defeat them!
RL: I can't hear you!
R: Defeat them!
RL: I can't hear you!
R: Defeat them!
RL: I can't hear you!
R: Defeat them!
RL: I can't hear you!
Into town I drove my tank,
I was gonna rob a bank.
My money was running really low,
As I got near I shouted "bank ho!"
Drove a hole right through the wall,
Found I was in a shoppin' mall.
I 'poligized'n left through the hole.
I was definitely not on a roll.
I snuck a look at my GPSâ¢
Blew up a truck labeled HESSâ¢.
Then I proceeded towards the bank;
Oh how dearly I love my tank.
Headed towards the Eastern wall,
Ran a kid over, like a doll.
With a push and a heave, the wall broke.
The button "fire" I got ready to poke.
Oh so fun to rob a bank;
'cept my hair was pretty lank.
Wouldn't believe how hot it was there,
Humidity is bad for your hair.
Shot down the security,
Their defense wa
There was a couple who were big over-spenders. They always dreamed of spending holidays in Hawaii, but were never able to save any money to do so.
One day they came up with an idea - each time they had sex, they would put $20.00 bill into a piggy bank.
They bought the piggy, and followed that procedure for about a year. After that time, they decided that there was enough money for their dream vacation and broke the piggy bank.
The husband looked at their savings and said: "Isn't it strange - each time we had sex, I put $20.00 into the piggy, but I see tons of $50.00 bills and a few $100.00 bills."
The wife replied, "Do you think that everybody is as stingy as you are?"
Wife : "I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big
ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars."
Husband : "How about the ones like mine?"
Wife : "Those they gave away."
Husband : "I had a dream too . . . I dreamt they were
auctioning off cunts. The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the little tight ones went for two thousand."
Wife : "And how much for the ones like mine?"
Husband : "That's where they held the auction."
Three blokes are driving around, drinking beers and having a laugh when the driver looks in the mirror and sees the flashing lights of a police car telling him to pull over.
The other two are really worried. "What are we going to do with our beers? We're in trouble!"
"No," the driver says, "it's OK, just pull the label off your bottle and stick them on your foreheads, and the bloke pulls over.
The police officer then walks up and says, "You lads were swerving all around the road back there. Have you been drinking?"
"Oh, no, officer," says the driver, pointing to his forehead, "We're trying to give up, so we're on the patch."
There was a girl named Rachel. She had a cat named Love.
One day, Rachel was taking a shower.
When she got out, she yelled for her cat, Love, but saw that the cat had escaped.
She was still in her towel but she walked outside anyways.
A cop pulled around the corner and said, "Excuse me, Miss. What are you doing out here?"
Rachel replied, "Looking for Love!!!"
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