Popular Jokes
Alan Hall, 48, was found collapsed on the front lawn of his brother's Fairfield home on December 5, 8 hours after his penis had been cut off at the base. Paramedics rushed Hall to North Bay Medical Center, where surgeons were unsuccessful in their attempts to reattach his severed organ.
Hall blamed the maiming on a woman named Brenda, whom he met at a local gas station the previous night. He brought Brenda to his trailer, parked in the driveway of his brother's Fairfield home, and had sex. Around 3AM, the woman mentioned revenge and cut off his penis with a razor-sharp hobby knife, then fled the trailer on foot. Details of the attack were sketchy, and police were unsure why Hall could not d
A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and mixed emotions when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that's a bunch of crap; I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time."
She said, "You have the biggest penis of all your friends."
Q: What's the best way to kill a man?
A: Put a pretty blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Q: What is the difference between men and women:....
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need...A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg ?
A. They don't stop for directions.
Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving HER money, furs and diamonds.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"
Class was starting, and the teacher was taking attendance. She noticed that two of her top students were missing.
Right after that, Billy came in. She asks him, "Why are you late?" He replies, "I was just on top of Blueberry Hill." The teacher tells him to sit.
A few minutes later Timmy comes in. The teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" He replies, "I was just on top of Blueberry Hill." She tells him to sit.
A few minutes later a new girl walks into class. The teacher says, "Oh you must be the new girl. What's your name?"
The girl replies, "I'm Blueberry Hill."
Customer: "I have a big problem. You cut off my head!"
Me: "I'm sorry? How did I cut off your head?"
(The customer shows me an obviously self-taken picture, with the top of his head removed.)
Me: "Sir, it looks like it was taken that way."
Customer: "No it wasn't! My whole head was there when I took it. I'm sure!"
Me: "Okay, let me see your memory card..."
(The customer hands it to me, and I go in the lab and pull it up on the computer. Sure enough, he chopped his own head off in the picture.)
Me: "Sir, that is the whole image, and the top of your head isn't in it."
Customer: "But it's DIGITAL, can't you fix it?"
Me: "You can't create something from nothing."
Customer: "But... but.
A group of drug dealers from Mexico tried transporting 6,240 pounds of marijuana to America, by hiding it in a tanker truck disguised as a gasoline truck. They were clever, but not bright. They misspelled the name of the gas station on the side of the truck.
A woman was arrested in Lake City, Florida for robbery of a motel. She was armed with only an electric chainsaw that was not plugged in.
Police in Idaho were amused when they arrived to write up a burglary, and the homeowner told them that the thief had taken his VCR, his bong, and his stash of marijuana. The police ticketed the guy for possession of drug paraphernalia.
A girl went to a Taco Bell and asked for a taco with minimal lett
A young woman had just purchased her dream car, a new Ferrari convertible, and was having trouble tuning her radio to a station she wanted. She returned to the dealership and confronted the salesman, complaining about the radio.
"Miss," the salesperson said, "this is a very sophisticated radio. There is no requirement to use the buttons or dials. You merely give voice commands to whatever type of program you desire."
So after she received her instructions, she headed out on the highway.
"Country Music," she said, and instantly a country crooner was singing away on a country station. After a while she said, "Oldies," and instantly she heard "Blueberry Hill."
A few minutes later, a guy in
One night an 87 year old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 year old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted living apartment, killing him instantly.
She was brought before the court on a charge of murder. The judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defense. She began coolly, "Yes, your honor, I figured that at 92, if he could have sex... he could fly!"
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