A guy walks into a bar and orders three whiskey sours, drinks them down BAM! BAM! BAM! Then he orders three more. The bartender's having a slow night and appreciates the business, but is also concerned. "Hey buddy, slow down. What seems to be the problem?" The guy answers, "I went on a week-long business trip, and had to leave my wife alone. I've had my suspicions about our next-door neighbor, so I hung a weight from the bottom of the bedspring just above a bowl of cream." The bartender nods sympathetically and pours the guy another. "So you came home and found cream on the weight?" The guy downs his fourth whiskey sour and says, "It's worse than that. The cream had turned into butte

Kid says to mom:"The babysitter's an angel! She was naked in the garden and screamed God I'm coming! Lucky daddy was holding her from behind to keep her here!"

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Once there was a guy who lived in a blue, one story house. EVERYTHING in the house was blue. The refridgerator, all of the food, the tables, the chairs, the clothes of the man, the TV, the camera, the dishwasher, the washing machine, and even the man himself. What color were the stairs? Suspected Answer: Blue Real Answer: There were no stairs!!!

Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography. When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies. When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part. Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday." Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around. Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. For some, the left testicle is larger than

A plane was flying from New York to Canada. The plane crashes right on the border line. Where do you burry the survivors? They don't because they are survivors, therefor they never died.

One day Socrates is walking down the road and sees his old friend Uripedes carrying a pair of pants. Socrates says "Hi, Uripedes" Uripidees says "I sure did, Usodes?"

Now I lay me down to sleep With the boy across the street Won't my mommy be surprised When my tummy starts to rise Won't my daddy be disgusted When he finds my cherry's busted.

Go to this website ... I know some people might say that this isn't a joke, but it's really funny if you go to the website. Trust me. http://www.dr-joe.net/quiz.html It doesn't have any viruses.

What kind of trouble does a five foot man have??? Five feet!!!

Have you ever noticed people who cough/sneeze/do just about anything they can to spread their germs to everyone and everywhere? Well basically their theory is make germs like forwards. Try to get them around the world in 40 days or less. Lets try to get rid of these people rather then the avian virus before there is an epidemic. So to all those classmates who sit behind you and refuse to covertheir mouths-Good day to you all. In the words of Tiny Tim "and to all a good night."

What starts with T, ends with the T and has full of T's? [You must answer it and write it in the comment box!(hehe)]