When does running mean walking? When you're running out of gas!

Our eyes are always the same from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite. Rubber Bands last longer when refrigerated. "Lollipop" is the longest word typed with only the right hand. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

How to identify a dumb guy. You should be sure the person is a dum guy when he: • Puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to make up his mind. • Gets stabbed in a shoot-out. • Sends a fax with a postage stamp on it. • Tries to drown a fish in water. • Thinks socialism means partying. • Trips over a cordless phone. • Takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept. • At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he puts "Sagittarius." • Studies for a blood test and fails. • Sells the car for gas money. • Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead. • Drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and goes home.

And then there was the glass-blower who got hiccups and made 764 marbles.

Man: Why do you have a steering wheel in your crotch? Other Man: My wife was driving me nuts

Why can't a dalmatian puppy hide from his mom? 'Cause he's already been spotted!

A Thanksgiving Cookbook by Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten Class NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be responsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook. Jason - Chicken Pie Put the chicken in the pot and put the salad and cheese and mustard and then you mix it all together. Then put chicken sauce and stir it all around again. Then you cook it for 5 minutes at 9 degrees. Then you eat it. Christopher - Pumpkin Pie First you buy a pumpkin and smash it. Then it is all done. And you cook it in the oven for 12 minutes and 4 degrees. Then you eat it. Christine - Turkey First you buy the turkey. Then you cook it for 5 hours and 5 degrees. Then you cut it up and you eat it. Isabelle - Sp

During a dinner party, the hosts' two small children entered the dining room naked and proceeded to parade slowly around the table. Embarrassed, the parents pretended nothing was happening and continued to converse with their guests. The guests co-operated and also carried on as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening. After they finished walking all around the room, the children left. As the children disappeared from sight, there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say, "See, I told you, it IS vanishing cream!"

Yo momma so stupid she copied someone in an exam and got less than them.

A young priest has just left the seminary and been sent to his first parish to work alongside an old experienced priest Father Brown. When he arrives the old priest welcomes him with open arms, explaining that he has been working alone and hasn't had a day off in years. He asks the new priest to take confesson so that he can have a break. The young priest is very nervous as he hasn't done it for real before. The old priest explains that it's easy as he has produced a tariff, and he gives him the list: Telling lies - one Hail Mary; Stealing - one Our Father; etc; etc. So the young priest goes into the confessional and everything seems to be going okay. "Father, I have told a lie," - one

Turn your Pentium into a gameboy...Type "WIN" at the prompt.

Change the position of just one of the words below so that all the words are in an alphabetical sequence: llama phoenix hyena alligator beaver elephant tortoise antelope Antelope. Move it from the end to the beginning, the initial letters will then spell ALPHABET!