Newton's Little-Known Seventh Law - A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.

A priest wanted to go to the post office, so he asked a little boy the way. The boy took him to the post office. The priest said to the boy, "Thank you. Come to the church tomorrow and I will show you the way to Heaven." The boy turned and said, "But you don't even know the way to the post office."

162 = worst score in golf.

72 = best score in golf.

Always keep several "get well" cards on the mantle. That way, if unexpected guests arrive they will think you have been sick and unable to clean.

Israel's economy is in a bad way, inflation is getting higher and immigrants are flooding in from all over the world. Problems, problems, problems, but what should they do? So the Knesset holds a special session to come up with a solution. After several hours of talk without progress, one member, Yitzhak, stands up and says, "Quiet everyone, I've got it, I've got the solution to all our problems. We'll declare war on the United States." Everyone starts shouting at once. "You're nuts! That's crazy!" "Hear me out!" says Yitzhak. "We declare war, we lose; the United States does what she always does when she defeats a country. She rebuilds everything; our highways, airports, shipping ports, s

How It Works Once upon a time a man told a small village, "I will buy monkeys for $10 each." Since there were many monkeys in the forest, the villagers caught them and sold them to the man. As the supply of monkeys diminished, the villagers' efforts slowed, so the man offered them $20 each. They renewed their efforts but the supply of monkeys diminished further, so he increased his price to $25. Soon no one could even find a monkey in the forest. The man increased his price to $50, but announced, "Since I must go to the city on business, I authorize my assistant to buy monkeys on my behalf." As soon as his boss was gone, the assistant told the villagers, "My boss has collected lots o

Can You Decipher This Phrase? LASE There are two possible answers. Argon laser: the 'R' has gone. Or, jumble sale: the letters of sale are jumbled.

One day a blonde went to a store and saw Donuts that were sugar free, so she grabbed them and walked out of the store without paying. Security stopped her and asked, "Excuse me miss, but what do you think you are doing?" She said "Duh...I'm taking the free Sugar donuts!"

Je suis très émue de vous dire que j'ai bien compris l'autre soir que vous aviez toujours une envie folle de me faire danser. Je garde le souvenir de votre baiser et je voudrais bien que ce soit là une preuve que je puisse être aimée par vous. Je suis prête à vous montrer mon affection toute désintéressée et sans cal- cul, et si vous voulez me voir aussi vous dévoiler sans artifice mon âme toute nue, venez me faire une visite. Nous causerons en amis, franchement. Je vous prouverai que je suis la femme sincère, capable de vous offrir l'affection la plus profonde comme la plus étroite en amitié, en un mot la meilleure preuve dont vous puissiez rêver, puisque votre âme est libr

The similarity of all the people that live is that they are alive and they are living.

Once there was a large group of mexicans who made a club called the I love Mayonnaise Club. And they made this club days before the titanic set sail. And on the titanic there was a large, large case of mayonnaise. And later when the titanic sank, this group was very sad so they formed a holiday called "Sink-o Da-Mayo"