Yo Momma is so stupid she took wood to the movie SAW!!

This big-time rancher from Texas met a Missouri farmer on a business trip. The Texas rancher bragged, "I can get in my truck, drive all day, and never cross the boundary of my ranch!" "Yep," replied the little Missouri farmer, "I had a truck like that once, too."

Hubluza

Dyslexia: it can warn without striking! Give and you might receive. Take and be sure of it. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure. I'm in a phone booth at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk. Jealousy is all the fun you think they have. Originality is the art of concealing your source. Synonym: word used when you can't spell the one you wanted. The Apathy Anonymous meeting was canceled due to lack of interest. You can tell a real programmer by the keyboard-shaped dents in his forehead. You have mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.

WARNING: This describes the cruel, mental torture of innocent toy store employees. Readers under the age of 13 should be accompanied by an adult. An "Anti-shopping" Trip with the Los Angeles Cacophony Society by Rev. Al I had been thinking for a long time about making cement filled teddy bears. I wasn't exactly sure why. At first it was just a perceptual curiosity I wanted to experience, and I wanted others to experience: the idea of being handed what appeared to be a fluffy stuffed animal, only to have it go tearing through your relaxed fingers like a lead meteor. The Christmas shopping season seemed an ideal time to get them on the shelves of Los Angeles toy stores, so late in Novembe

Yo momma so stupid, when Moses brought down the Ten Commandments, she said, "Where's the ketchup?" HINT:commandments condiments

Dating process : 6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U. 6 months : Of course I love U. 6 years : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose? Back from Work: 6 weeks : Honey, I'm home. 6 months : BACK!! 6 years : What did your mom cook for us today?? Gifts: 6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring. 6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room. 6 years : Here's the money. Buy yourself something. Phone Ringing: 6 weeks : Baby, somebody wants you on the phone. 6 months : Here, for you. 6 years : PHONE RINGING. Cooking: 6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good! 6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight? 6 years : AGAIN!!!!

# Your left lung is smaller in size than your right lung, it is like that in order to make room for your heart. # Until babies are six months old, they can breathe and swallow at the same time # Male human brains are about 10 percent heavier than female brains # Before 1800 there were no separately designed shoes for right and left feet # The glossy look to lipstick comes from fish scales, which are iridescent # To find out if a watermelon is ripe, knock it, and if it sounds hollow then it is ripe # Honey is used as a center for golf balls and in antifreeze mixtures # The original name for the butterfly was 'flutterby' # Your body weight is lower at 9 A.M. than at any other time of t

Things You Don't Want to Overhear Over an Airline P.A. System 1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices. 2. Hey folks, were going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts. 3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airlines new commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza. 4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock....one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!! Eject!!!!!!! 5. ummmmmm....Sorry......(silen

Uh huh ... extra cheese Uh huh, uh huh ... save a piece for me Pizza party at your house I went just to check it out Nineteen extra larges What a shame No one came Just us eatin' all alone You said, Take the pizza home No sense lettin' all this go to waste So then I faced Pizza all day And every day This cheese 'round the clock Is gettin' me blocked And I sure don't care For irregularity Tell me Why'd you have to go and make me so constipated? 'Cause right now I'd do anything to just get my bowels evacuated In the bathroom ... I sit and I wait and I strain And I sweat and I clench and I feel the pain Oh, should I take laxatives or have my colon irrigated? No no no I was feelin' pretty d

This is true! In a speech George W. Bush made in 2001 he concluded: But all in all, my wife and I have had a wonderful year! (2001 was the year that the Twin Towers were destroyed)

A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."