Billy-Bob returns from school and tells his father he got an "F" in Arithmetic today. "Why?" asks his father. "The teacher asked, 'How much is 2 x 3?' I said, '6'". "But that's right," said his father. "Then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?'." "What's the fucking difference?" asks his father. "That's what I said!"

Hubluza

1. Order a cheese burger with no cheese. 2. Ask if they would like to buy some soap. 3. Sing "I think your tractor's sexy" 4. If you're in a drive-through, say, "Man, I think you're ugly." 5. Keep changing your order for over an hour. 6. When you pull up to the window, try to make it look like your window won't go down. 7. Ask how much it would be to be in the restaurant while in the drive through. 8. Have a Chinese accent and order a soda but not a certain kind and say, "No, no Dr. Pepper he no certified doctor." 9. In the drive through say, "I'm holding Ronald McDonald hostage. For his release I want 3 big macs and a sonic toy." 10. If you're at a life insurance place, order a bi

AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence. Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up." A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked at the counter himself for three hours until po

Why do Gynecologists retire at a younger age that other doctors? They get tunnel vision!

An eight year old girl tried checking a book out of the library, entitled 'Advice for Young Mothers'. The librarian, being a typically nosey and puritanical librarian, asked, "Why do you want to check out this particular book, dear?" The little girl replied, "Because I collect moths."

If the population of China walked past you, in a single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction. If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at a red light. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

One day, Little Johnny and his family went for a walk they saw two dogs having sex, girl on top of boy. Johnny didn't know much about sex, so his parents didn't say anything. Later that night, Johnny's parents were having sex and Johnny walked in on them. Before his parent's could say anything, Johnny yelled out, "Mom get on top of dad. Hurry, because I want a puppy!!"

Why did the big knot give the little knot a time-out? It was being knotty!

One day a 6 year old was sitting in a classroom. The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children. The teacher asked a little boy: TEACHER: Tommy do you see the tree outside? TOMMY: Yes. TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass outside? TOMMY: Yes. TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky. TOMMY: Okay. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky. TEACHER: Did you see God? TOMMY: No. TEACHER: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there. He just doesn't exist. A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions. The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy: LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the tree outside? TOMMY: Yes LITT

Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.

A busdriver was driving 50 kids to camp. They were passing a big deep lake that was beautiful and cyan. One kid asked the nice busdriver, "Can we go in that lake?" The busdriver replies "sure. can you swim?" The kids say, "Yes but only in very, very shallow water." The busdriver never saw this lake before, he thought it was shallow. People nearby were stunned to see a bus full of kids turn and drive right into the lake.