If we learn by our mistakes, some of us are getting one great education!

Did you hear about the magic car? It turned into a driveway!

It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn't walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to more important matters. The inebriated driver, figuring that the trooper wasn't coming back to him, drove home and went to bed. he was awakened in the morning by a knock at the door, created by two more state troopers. "Are you Mr. Johnson?" they asked. He admitted that he was. "Were you pulled over at Main Street last night for driving under the influence?

After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. "That's a bit much," said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30. "That's still quite a bit," Tom groused. Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle. Tom grew agitated, "What I mean," he said, "is I'd like to see something really cheap." So the clerk handed him a mirror.

What you don't want to hear on an aeroplane: "You can't leave us now Captain, not at this stage!"

Yo momma so stupid she copied someone in an exam and got less than them.

Any time four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

Helen Waite is our credit manager. If you want credit, go to Helen Waite.

The woman at the supermarket checkout was giving the clerk a hard time. As her audience in the waiting line increased, she became more abusive. Finally, the patient clerk came to a dog's flea collar. The checker asked the customer if she was aware that the package had been opened. "Of course, I opened it," the woman snapped. "You can't expect me to get it home and find out it's the wrong size." A voice from the line spoke for all of us: "Wear it in good health."

Susan (女，抱着孩子) Vic (调侃) Vic: Finger the baby's ass, if he kicks, he'll be a sorcer, if he screams, he'll be a singer, if he laughs, he'll be a homo. Susan:(笑，然后问)What about a girl? Vic: We finger them when they over 18. ...... 爆笑....

Double your drive space...Delete Windows95.

What did the chicken say to the bully? Why don't you peck on someone your own size?