Popular Jokes
Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives.
One signs to the other, 'Boy was my wife mad at me last night. She went on and on and wouldn't stop!'
The other Buddy says, 'When my wife goes off on me I just don't listen.'
'How do you do that?' says the other.
'It's easy! I turn off the light!'
At an exhibition of military painting a visitor was admiring a picture.
"What a great realist that painter is!" he exclaimed.
"What painter?"
"The one that painted this picture 'Soldiers at Work'."
"Yes, hut something is wrong there. Those soldiers aren't working at all!"
"That is just the greatest stroke of realism in the picture!"
Two girls board a crowded bus and one of them whispers to the other, "Watch me embarrass a man into giving me his seat."
Pushing her way through the crowd, she turned all of her charms upon a gentleman who looked like he might embarrass easily. "My dear Mr. Wilson," she gushed, "fancy meeting you here on the bus. Am I glad to see you! Why, you're almost a stranger. My, but I'm tired!"
The sedate gent looked up at the girl. He had never seen her before but he rose and said pleasantly, "Sit down, Mary, my girl. It isn't often I see you on washday. No wonder you're tired. Being pregnant isn't easy. By the way, don't deliver the wash until Thursday. My wife is going to the District Attorney's
Murphy and his wife, a middle-aged couple, went for a stroll in the park. They were sitting down on a bench to rest when they heard voices coming from a secluded spot. Suddenly Mrs. Murphy realized that a young man was about to propose.
Not wanting to eavesdrop at such an intimate moment, she nudged her husband and whispered, "Whistle and let that young couple know that someone can hear them."
Murphy said, "Whistle? Why should I whistle? Nobody whistled to warn me."
One day Little Susie got her "monthly bleeding" for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with little Johnny.
Having found Johnny she told and showed him what her problem was.
Johnny's face grew serious and he said, "You know, I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"
You're so ugly...
that when your mom dropped you off on the curb for school, she got fined for littering.
"Hey, you! Pull over!" shouted the traffic cop. The lady complied, and the judge next day fined her twenty-five dollars for speeding.
She went home in great anxiety lest her husband, who always examined her checkbook, should learn of the incident.
Then inspiration struck and she marked the check stub, "One pullover, $25."
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
My 12-year-old sister was filling out an application form for a foreign language course. Suddenly she stopped, a small frown on her forehead. A moment later, she wrote something down. Glancing over her shoulder, I saw that the question she had paused at was: "Mother tongue." On the blank space beside it she had written, "Pink."
Home
