Popular Jokes
A State Police colleague of mine once received a call from a woman who asked him how to baste a turkey. After a stunned moment, he, being a fairly good cook, described the procedure.
Then he asked, "But why would you call the State Police to find out how to baste a turkey?"
There was only a slight hesitation before she replied, "Well, you knew, didn't you?" and hung up.
Pirate Blackbeard's ship license had expired so he went into the shipping license office and got a new one, but on the new one he needed an updated photo of himself.
So, Pirate Blackbeard went into the photographer's room and asked to have his photo taken. The photographer obliged and said, "Ok, please pose front on" and took a photo.
He need to take another photo so he asked Blackbeard to "Please Poseidon!"
A cowboy entered a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine, please."
The barber began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes.
"Young lady," the cowboy said, "you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room."
"I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that at all," she replied.
"No problem," the cowboy said, "just tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference."
"You tell him," she said. "He's the one shaving you."
There was a woman who absolutely loved the music of Billy Joel and Paul McCartney. She loved them so much she decided to have their images tattooed on her body. She went to a tattoo parlor and told the artist she wanted Billy Joel tattooed on her left thigh, and Paul McCartney tattooed on her right thigh.
When the job was completed, the artist gave her a mirror to inspect his work. She exclaimed that neither of the images looked like what they were supposed to be. The artist said let's get another opinion.
He went out to the street and asked a drunk to come in and assist with a little problem. There sat the woman, with her legs apart, and the artist asked the drunk what he saw. He replied
1. Thinly smear a layer of white shaving cream on a white toilet seat and wait for the next poor sap to sit down.
2. Get some poppers (the little white paper balls with the flint in them) and place them under the pegs of a toilet seat. When the next person sits down, the loud BANG will scare the shit out of them.
3. Take some liquid hand soap and mix it with water, then, dab your finger in the liquid and write something on the mirror. Once dried, the soap should be nearly invisible. The next time someone takes a shower and fogs up the mirror, the writing will appear.
4. If you have a shower head that screws off, this prank can be priceless. Unscrew the head an carefully pour red
kool-aid
*This is from a comic called Pearls Before Swine, I just wanted to share it with you guys(crowd goes *awwww*)*
Dentist(on phone p-D): Hi, this is Dr. Smith's office calling to remind you about your dental appointment tomorrow.
Other Person(P): Can't make it.
D: Why?
P: Profanity. It offends me.
D: I didn't use profanity.
P: Car won't start.
D: You live a block away.
P: 2 broken feet.
D: We'll send a cab.
P: No money.
D: We'll pay.
P: Mom died.
D: You said that last year.
P: Dad this time.
D: You don't know which?
P: Can't keep track.
D: OF YOUR PARENTS?!?!
P: When training for a marathon.
D: On 2 broken feet?
P: I drive the race.
D: Your car won't start.
P: I take a cab.
D: You have no mone
CONCLUSION:
There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses, the results were pretty interesting: 30% of women think their ass is too fat . . . 10% of women think their ass is too skinny . . .
The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they wouldn't trade him for the world.
If you copy from your textbooks, it's making good use of what you've learnt.
If you copy from anywhere else, it's plagiarism.
Home
