Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!" Another one said, "How do you know?" The first inmate said, "God told me!" Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!"

What did Margie say about her brain surgeon? "I really gave him a piece of my mind!"

These are my pet peeves in no particular order. 1. People who insult my friends. You trash talk my friends you can't hang around me it is that simple. 2. You are talking on a cell phone not a boombox, so pick a RING not a SONG! 3. Read my rant on Darkness. It's on the blog right before this one. 4. People who try and open a locked car door at the same time you are pressing the unlock. And they keep doing it over and over. For heaven sakes DAD, (I mean people who do this. lol) 5. People who drive fansy sports cars, and they obviously think they are cool cuz they speed up and slow down quickly and change lanes in front of you. My FORD EXPLORER can and will crush your stupid uncool as

Dear Abby has received lots of letters about funny names. Here are just a few sent to her! My father was born in Menomonie, Wis., and later taught there. He used to tell me about a law firm there called Ketchum and Cheatum. Also, he had a high school classmate named Iva Liver. - ANN, COLUMBUS, OHIO Years ago, I interviewed an attorney who was supposed to handle an important matter for me. His name: Rex R. Case. (Needless to say, I did not hire him!) - LINDA, N.J. I read the front section of the paper, where I encountered the following. It's titled, "Circumcision of African men can cut HIV risk by half." The physician quoted from the World Health Organization is Dr. Kevin De Cock. - BONNIE

# Your left lung is smaller in size than your right lung, it is like that in order to make room for your heart. # Until babies are six months old, they can breathe and swallow at the same time # Male human brains are about 10 percent heavier than female brains # Before 1800 there were no separately designed shoes for right and left feet # The glossy look to lipstick comes from fish scales, which are iridescent # To find out if a watermelon is ripe, knock it, and if it sounds hollow then it is ripe # Honey is used as a center for golf balls and in antifreeze mixtures # The original name for the butterfly was 'flutterby' # Your body weight is lower at 9 A.M. than at any other time of t

dum guy calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?" "Just a sec," says the rep. Thank you." says the dum guy and hangs up. >Once a dum guy was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 Rupees, the dum guy deserved more service. So, when the dum guy fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the dum guy was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. Said his wife " What's the matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the train

80 The first Secretary General of the UNO was Trygve Lie 81 The sculptor of the statue of Liberty was Federick Auguste Bartholdi 82 The port of Banku is situated in Azerbaijan 83 John F.Kennedy was assassinated by Lee Harry Oswald 84 The largest river in France is Loire 85 The Queen of England who married her brother-in-law was Catherine of Aragon 86 The first negro to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize was Ralph Johnson Bunche 87 The first British University to admit women for degree courses was London University 88 The principal export of Jamaica is sugar 89 New York is popularly known as the City of Skyscrapers 90 Madagascar is popularly known as the Island of Cloves 91 The country known as

200 The term 'astrology' literally means Star Speech 201 Togo is situated in Africa 202 Coal is also known as Black Diamond 203 The first boxer to win 3 gold medals in Olympics was Laszlo Papp 204 The first ruler who started war games for his soldiers was Genghis Khan 205 The first cross word puzzle in the world was published in 1924 by London Sunday Express 206 The lightest known metal is Lithium 207 The Atacama Desert is located in North Chile 208 The oil used to preserve timber is creosote oil 209 The founder of USA was George Washington 210 The first talkie feature film in USA was The Jazz Singer 211 The chemical name of laughing gas is Nitrous Oxide 212 The US state Mississipi is also k

Which dog doesn't have a tail? Hot dogs, of course.

A blonde was asked to open up the coffee shop on Monday. So, the blonde went in early to open up. She gathered all the ingredients together, and had everything ready for the customers. Half an hour went by, and still no customers entered the coffee shop. The blonde decided to read the comics to pass the time. An hour later, her co-worker came in late as the blonde was still reading the comics. "Why does the sign say closed?" the co-worker asked the blonde. The blonde looked up from her comics, "Nah uh. It doesn't say closed. Look right there," she said pointing at the sign. "See, it says open."

Yo momma's so stupid, when you asked her for an evening gown, she came back with a night dress!

If we learn by our mistakes, some of us are getting one great education!