Popular Jokes
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2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge
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4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead.
5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum? - You CAN Tell the Difference!
6. Accepting Loss I: If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away.
7. Accepting Loss II: If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator Won't Bring It Back.
8. Going to the Supermarket: It's Not Just for Women Any More!
9. Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In.
10. Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes that the Electronics
How do you know if a 500-pound man is a millionaire?
(That's 500-pound fat, not muscle.)
Because he will have a totally hot, blonde, babe on his arm.
A women's lib speaker was addressing a large group and said, "Where would man be today if it were not for woman?"
She paused a moment and looked around the room. "I repeat, where would man be today if it were not for woman?"
From the back of the room came a voice, "He'd be in the Garden of Eden eating strawberries."
In a messed up family, the child named Hope is goth, and the child named Faith is atheist.
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I went into the kitchen, and there was a tap on the window.
Not using that plumber again!
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Here's to all the Secret Santas! Enjoy!
It was supposed to be a happy time, but it wasn't. Santa was really upset. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right. Mrs. Claus had burned all the Christmas cookies, the elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had put in, making toys, and the reindeer had been drinking all afternoon and were drunk. They had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and crashed it into a tree, breaking off one of the runners.
Santa was beside himself with anger. "I CAN'T believe it! I've got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours from now and my elves are on strike, all my reindeer are drun
Teacher: "Can someone tell me three kinds of triangles? Yes, Jimmy?"
Jimmy: "OK, so there's right, isosceles, and you, your husband, and the mailman."
The class laughed.
"OK, young man. Now you're going straight to the principal." said the teacher.
And the principal laughed too.
There were these two professors arguing over which one had the dumber child. Each professor thought his was the bigger idiot. The first professor yells, "There is no way that your son is dumber. My son has to be THE stupidest kid on Earth."
The second professor says, "No way, Jose. My son is the bigger idiot."
The first professor says, "Let me prove it to you. Hey Jake! (Jake runs to his fathe.r) I don't know if I left myself at the office or not. Would you run there and find out. If I'm there then tell me to come home and eat dinner."
The son says, gleefully, "Sure dad," and runs off.
The second professor not to be outdone says "Oh yea! Watch this! Hey Sam! Come here! (Sam runs to h
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