Yo momma is like a bus; she's big, doesn't smell very good, and it's only a dollar a ride.

Q: What goes, "KCAUQ, KCAUQ"? A: A duck flying backwards!

Coca-Cola was originally green. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury. Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt. 1/4 of LA is taken up of automobiles. The state with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska. 2 out of 5 people live in China or India. Average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61000. The city with the most Rolls Royces per capita: Hong Kong. The most commonly used password on computer systems is "password". The youngest pope was 11 years old. The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments. Q. What separates

A man is playing poker, and sees a sign that says: If You Have A Gambling Problem call 1-800-GAMBLING. So the man calls the hotline and says, "The guy on my right has an ace and a two, I have a three and a jack, there is a four, a five, and a queen on the table, what should I do?"

It was slightly before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols. Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he was not in a particularly good mood. Going to check in his luggage (which, for some reason, had become one suitcase with entirely new clothes), he saw hanging mistletoe. Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and pointier parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort

What's the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78? At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed. At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story. At 78 - You can get out of bed, that's another story.

What amimal walks with its feet on its head? a flea.

What's known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn't use its full name, which happens to be "Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division". Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol. The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings. There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious. Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful. The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Chuck Norris killed the entire US team w

Q: Why did the condom fly across the room A: It was pissed off!!

What do you call a a bunch of fish swimming in the sky?? A High School!!!

Yo Momma so poor her front door and back door are in the same room. Yo Momma so poor she kicked a can across the street and a man asked "what are you doing?" and she said "I'm moving."

She used to have a broad mind and a narrow waist; now it's the other way round. It was a very emotional wedding; even the cake was in tiers. Psychic wanted – you know why, and where to apply. I don't think they really wanted me in the marching band – they gave me a piano. Then, when we played hide and seek, no-one came to look for me.