"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have not been to confession for six months. On top of that, I've been with a loose woman." The priest sighs. "Is that you, little Tommy O'Shaughnessy?" "Yes, Father, 'tis I." "And who might be the woman you were with?" "I shan't be tellin' you, Father. It would ruin her reputation." "Well, Tommy, I'm bound to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?" "I cannot say." "Was it Patricia Fitzgerald?" "I'll never tell." "Was it Lisa O'Shanter?" "I'm sorry, but I'll not name her." "Was it Cathy O'Dell?" "My lips are sealed." "Was it Fiona Mallory, then?" "Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

There was once an old woman living in a cottage. Her husband had died three years ago. Suddenly, the phone rang. She picked it up and a deep voice boomed: "I am the vindow viper and I'm coming into your town." She put the phone down, thinking it was some boys playing a prank on her. About half an hour later the phone rang again. She picked it up and the deep voice bellowed: "I am the vindow viper and I'm coming down your road." Again, the woman put the phone down, thinking that the boys were very determined. Around a minute later, the phone rang again. She sighed and picked up the phone. Again, the deeep voice boomed: "I am the vindow viper and I'm just outside your door!" She put the phon

Sign on the inside of a bathroom stall: "Beware of limbo dancers." A hardware store in Oregon has a sign that reads: "Today's special." Below, it says: "So's tomorrow." Sign in school: "In case of atomic attack, the federal ruling concerning prayer in this building will be temporarily suspended." Sign seen on an electricity pylon: "DANGER! To touch these wires will result in instant death. Anyone found doing so will be severely prosecuted." Sign at a garage in Hertfordshire: "Please do not smoke near the pumps. If your life isn't worth anything, gas is!" Sign seen in the vicinity of Victoria Station: "Closed for official opening."

The Year 2038 Problem.......................... Test it now... Steps... 1. Login to yahoo messenger 2. Send instant message to anyone - fine, it's working... 3. Now, change your system date to 19-Jan-2038, 03:14:07 AM or above (as mentioned in mail) 4. Confirm whether your date is changed 5. Again send instant message to anyone... Your YM crahes.... * * * YES ALL NETWORK BASED APPLICATION WILL NOT WORK NOW * * * Why.....? What is it? Starting at GMT 03:14:07, Tuesday, January 19, 2038, it is expected to see lots of systems around the world breaking magnificently: satellites falling out of orbit, massive power outages (like the 2003 North American blackout), hospital life suppor

A book never written: Yellow Rivers by L. O. Tsoftea

Which candles burn longer, the candles on a girl's cake or a boy's cake? No candles burn longer. They all burn shorter.

Joe: Hey Frank, what do you call an Iraqi on a plane? Frank: Hmm, terrorist bomber? Hell on air? Death on two wings? Joe: No, a pilot you racist!

Rhett Jacobs, Democratic candidate for the South Carolina House and a man who listed "education" as his top priority, submitted a required campaign disclosure form in October, handwritten, on which he detailed expenses for "filling fee," "campain work" and "litature."

A newspaper reporter was writing a feature story about prison life and was interviewing one of the prisoners. "Do you watch much television here?" "Only the daytime shows," the inmate said. "At night we're locked in our cells and don't see any television." "That's too bad," the reporter said, "But I do think it is nice that the warden lets you watch it in the daytime." "What do you mean, nice?" the inmate said. "That's part of the punishment."

After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend's new telephone number, I dialed him -- and got a woman. "Is Mike there?" I asked. "He's in the shower," she responded. "Please tell him his girlfriend called," I said and hung up. When he didn't return the call, I dialed again. This time a man answered. "This is Mike," he said. "You're not my boyfriend!" I exclaimed. "I know," he replied. "That's what I've been trying to tell my wife for the past half-hour."

A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve. Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer." A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb" ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S.Treasury. --