Instrument Jokes

This is an addition to one of my previous jokes, "Viola Jokes" http://wocka.com/17112.html. Now, instead of just viola jokes, here are several different instrument jokes. PIANO JOKES Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A: A flat minor. Q: What do you get when you drop a piano onto an army base? A: A flat major. Q: Why is an 11-foot concert grand piano better than a studio upright piano? A: Because it makes a much bigger "kaboom" when dropped off a cliff. FLUTE/PICCOLO JOKES Q: How do you get two piccolo players to play in tune? A: Shoot one. Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, "Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?" The other replies, "That was no piccolo, that was my fife." CLARINET JOKES Q: How many clarinetists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Just one, but he'll have to go through a whole box of them before he finds the right one. Q: What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain? A: Gifted. SAXOPHONE JOKES Q: What's the difference between a saxophone and a lawn mower? A: (1) Lawn mowers sound better in small ensembles, and (2) neighbors get upset when you borrow their lawn mower and don't return it. TRUMPET JOKES Q: How do trumpetists traditionally greet each other? A: "Nice to make your acquaintance. But I'm still better than you." FRENCH HORN JOKES Q: How do you get your viola section to sound like your horn section? A: Have them miss every other note. A girl went out on a date with a trumpet player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was it? Did his embouchure make him a great kisser?" "Nah," the first girl replied. "That dry, tight, tiny little pucker; it was no fun at all." The next night she went out with a tuba player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?" "Ugh!" the first girl exclaimed. "Those huge, rubbery, blubbery, slobbering slabs of meat; oh, it was just gross!" The next night she went out with a French horn player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?" "Well," the first girl replied, "his kissing was just so-so; but I loved the way he held me!"