How you get rid of grey hairs: 1. Dye all your hair the color grey. 2. Shave your head. 3. Now you have no grey hairs.

Online dating is huge now. Everyone from EHarmony to Match.com have been benefitting from the surge in personals. But impersonal nature of online personals need a little clarifying. Below you'll find a guide to better enable yourself "Find That Special Someone" Female Beautiful Bulgarian girl = I need a green card Beautiful Ukranian girl = I need a green card Beautiful Romanian girl = I need a green card....possibly a gypsy I love doing yoga and running with my dog = a really good lay Athletic = No tits Spends too much time at work / Work Hard = I'm cheating on you and we haven't even met Beautiful = Pathological liar Contagious Smile = Takes a lot of pills Emotionally Secure = On medicati

Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?" "Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered. A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me, too?" "Yes, He did," the older man answered. For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind. At last she spoke up. "You know, Grandpa," she said, "God's doing a lot better job lately."

A son asked his mother the following question: "Mum, why are wedding dresses white?" The mother replies, "Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure." The son thanks his Mum and goes off to double-check this with his father. "Dad, why are wedding dresses white?" The father says, "Son, all household appliances come in white."

jkfsh

This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity. They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home (piously, of course). That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new fundamentalist dog and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little. The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the

It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door. "Please let me in," says the man desperately. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one." "Okay," says the butcher, "let me see what I have left." He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man. "That one is too skinny. What else have you got?" says the man. The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man. "Oh, no," says the man, "That one doesn't look any better. You'd better give me both of them

Attending her first confession, the new nun tells the priest that she has a terrible secret. "Sister Dominique," the priest says, your secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional." "Father," she says, "I never wear underwear under my habit." With a little chuckle, the priest says, "That is not too serious, Sister Dominique. For penance, say three Hail Marys, three Our Fathers and do five cartwheels on your way to the altar."

Chapstick is selling a new product in England. It is the regular Chapstick with Viagra added to the formula. Englishmen like it because it helps them keep a stiff upper lip.

Two young cowboys - aged six and four - walked into the pretend bar for a drink. The older cowboy thumped his fist on the pretend bar and said to the pretend bartender, "Bartender, gimme a rye whiskey!" The younger cowboy was not to be outdone. "Yeah, and make mine a whole wheat!"

An elephant is talking to a hippopotamus, and the elephant says, "You know, there's nothing worse than a cold in the nose." The hippo says, "Oh yeah? Did you never have chapped lips?"

You might be a teacher if you have an overwhelming urge to nod and say, "Now I understand why your kid is the way he/she is," after meeting the parents.