Popular Jokes
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A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.
Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist - probably better than Houdini."
The giant nodded.
"If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?"
Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. "I can't get out of these," the giant growled.
"Are you sure?" the deputy as
A policeman was walking the beat when suddenly he saw a large black man pummeling a small jewish man as he pinned him to the concrete. The policeman quickly rushed in to break up the scuffle.
He asked the black man what was going on and why he was beating the helpless man.
The black man responded "He called me a black bastard!"
The policeman looked down to the beaten jewish man and asked. "Is it true? Did you call this man a black bastard?"
The jewish man looked at the policeman and said "No! The gentleman asked me where the store was and I told him he was a block past it."
One night a little boy was left alone at home for the weekend. Before leaving his mother told him, "if you get scared put your hand under bed and let the dog lick your hand. Then you will know you are safe."
So during the night the little boy heard a drip drip drip sound. He got very scared and put his hand under his bed and his dog leicked his hand. He then felt better.
A little later he heard the drip drip drip sound again. The boy once again put his hand under his bed and allowd his dog to lick it. He then felt safe.
About five minutes later the little boy heard the drip drip drip sound once again. Instead of putting his hand under his bed he got up and went and looked in the bathroom. T
20. Alex Mijtus, 36 years old, is killed by his wife, armed with a 20" long vibrator. Mrs Mijtus had had enough of her husbands strange sex practices, and one night during a prolonged being of "fun" she snapped, pushing all 20" of the vibrator into Alex's anus until it ruptured several internal organs and caused severe bleeding.
19. Debby Mills-Newbroughton, 99 years old, was killed as she crossed the road. She was to turn 100 the next day, but crossing the road with her daughter to go to her own birthday party her wheel chair was hit by the truck delivering her birthday cake.
18. Peter Stone, 42 years old, is murdered by his 8 year old daughter, who he had just sent to her room with no
On a BA flight from Johannesburg, a middle-aged, well-off white South African Lady has found herself sitting next to a black man. She called the cabin crew attendant over to complain about her seating.
"What seems to be the problem Madam?" asked the attendant.
"Can't you see?" she said, "You've sat me next to a kafir. I can't possibly sit next to this disgusting human. Find me another seat!"
"Please calm down, Madam." the stewardess replied. "The flight is very full today, but I'll tell you what I'll do - I'll go and check to see if we have any seats available in club or first class."
The woman cocks a snotty look at the outraged black man beside her (not to mention many of the surroun
Two farmers were boasting about the strongest wind they'd ever experienced. "Out here in California," said one, "I've seen the fiercest wind in my life. You know those giant redwoods trees? Well the wind got so strong it bent them right over."
"That's nothing," said the farmer from Iowa. "Back on my farm we had a wind one day that blew a hundred miles per hour. It was so bad that one of my hens had her back turned to the wind and laid the same egg six times!"
When Heinz ketchup leaves the bottle, it travels at a rate of 25 miles per year.
The Bible has been translated into Klingon.
Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of vodka.
On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.
In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world's nuclear weapons combined.
Reno, Nevada is west of Los Angeles, California.
Average lifespan of a major league baseball: 5 pitches.
Age 6 - I've learned that if you spread the peas out on your plate, it looks like you ate more.
Age 8 - I've learned that if you laugh and drink soda pop at the same time, it will come out your nose.
Age 10 - I've learned that you should never jump out of a second story window using a sheet for a parachute.
Age 11 - I've learned that if you want to get even with someone at camp, you rub their underwear in poison ivy.
Age 13 - I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up.
Age 16 - I've learned that when my parents are in a bad mood, it's best to agree to everything they say or things get nasty.
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