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I was traveling back to my hometown and, responding to Mother Nature, decided to stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road. I went into the washroom. The first stall was taken, so I went into the second stall. I had just sat down when I heard a voice from the other stall. "Hi there, how is it going?" I am not the type to strike up conversations with strangers while sitting on the john in restrooms on the side of the road. I didn't know what to do, but finally I said, "Not bad." Then the voice said, "So, what are you doing?" At this point, I was starting to find the situation a bit weird, but I said, "Well, I'm headed back east." Then I heard the person, all flustere

One day the goverment desided to see how we get along with other countries so they took an american, a frechman and a chinese guy and put them on an island for a year. They tell the american that he is in charge of building. They tell the frenchman that he is in charge of cooking. Then, finally they tell the chinese guy that he is in charge of supplies. One year later the goverment comes back and the american said: "Let me show you what I have built" and so he does. Then the frenchman said: "Let me show you what I have cooked." Then one of the goverment people asked what happened to the chinese guy and they said that the day that they were given their assigments he dissapeared. So they

What are three two letter words for small? Is It In?

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy

It can buy a bed - but not sleep It can buy a clock - but not time It can buy you a book - but not knowledge It can buy you a position - but not respect It can buy you medicine - but not health It can buy you blood - but not life So you see, money isn't everything, and it often causes pain and suffering. I tell you all this because I am your friend, and as your friend I want to take away your pain and suffering....... So send me all your money and I will suffer for you!!

Bob was propped up against a palm tree and acting so calmly it drove Joe crazy. "Don't you understand?!? We're going to die!!" Bob replied, "You don't understand, I make $100,000 a week." Joe looked at him quite dumbfounded and asked, "What difference does that make?!? We're on an island with no food and no water! We're going to DIE!!!" Bob answered, "You just don't get it. I make $100,000 a week and I tithe ten percent on that $100,000 a week. My pastor will find me!"

Did you here about the giant with a nosebleed? It was all over town

Where do the monsters go when they lose a hand? To the second-hand shop.

Q: What's a pick up line in a gay bar?? A: Would you like me to push your stool in?

If Ida Lupino married George Wendt, then divorced him to marry Ted Danson, divorced him to marry Alan Alda, then divorced him to marry Ted Knight, and divorced him to marry Shelly Long, she'd be Ida Wendt Danson Alda Knight Long. If Whoopi Goldberg married Peter Cushing, she'd be Whoopi Cushing. If Swoosie Kurtz married Patrick Swayze, she'd be Swoosie Swayze. If Flip Wilson married Les Aucoin, he'd be Flip Aucoin. If Barbara Hershey married John Candy, divorced him to marry Roseanne Barr, she'd be Barbara Hershey Candy Barr. If Julie Emry married Jeff Gillooly, divorced him to marry Darlene Hooley, then divorced her to marry Wes Cooley, she'd be Julie Gillooly Hooley Cooley. If Ivana

GOSSIP: something that no one claims to like but everyone enjoys. KISS: To a geographer: The shortest distance between two curves! To a physicist: The contradiction of mouth due to expansion of heart. To an accountant: A credit because it is profitable when returned. OBESITY: A surplus gone to waist. OLD AGE: When you wink at a woman and she says, "Anything wrong with your eye, Uncle?" RAINCOAT: Thunder wear! WRITER'S CRAMP: Authoritis! HEMOPHILLIA: A disease of blood with affinity (philia) to "he" (male) only.