Popular Jokes
Reasons why high school english teachers retire early.
Actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays:
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed. Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywher
Joe: Do you know the difference between a chicken and lettuce?
Jill: No.
Joe: Remind me not to send you to the supermarket!
Marigold, I'm sorry. I hacked into xizle's account 'cause I'm a stupid mother fuckin' piece of shit!!
There I was, in my car, driving down the road, when my boss rang up and said, "We're making you Chief Area Salesman," and I swerved.
Ten minutes later, he called again, "You're now Deputy Area Manager," and I swerved again.
Another twenty minutes go by, and another phone call, "You're now Vice Chairman," and I swerved right off the road into a ditch.
When the police asked what had happened, I said, "I just careered off the road."
On June 10th, 2006, San Fransisco, California held the largest gay, nude bike ride in the United States. I'm never buying a used bike ever again.
Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.
A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three members of a motorcycle gang walked in.
The first walked up to the old man and pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie, and then took a seat at the counter.
The second walked up to the old man and spat into the old man's milk, and then he took a seat at the counter.
The third walked up to the old man and turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.
Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner.
Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"
The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over t
Morris, as a young man in the Old West, wanted to be the best gunfighter alive. One night as he was sitting in a saloon, he spotted an old man who had the reputation of being the greatest gunfighter in his day. So Morris walked up to the old man and told him his dream. The old man looked him up and down and said, "I have a suggestion that is sure to help."
"Tell me, tell me," said the young man.
"Tie the bottom of your holster lower onto your leg."
"Will that make me a better gunfighter?"
"Definitely," said the old man.
Young Morris did what he was told and drew his gun and shot the bow tie off the piano player. "Wow, that really helped. Do you have any more suggestions?"
"Yeah,
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