Here is some random advice to make you smile... MEN have 2 heads and WOMEN have 4 lips. The American Dental Association says semen cuts plaque and tartar by 77%. Suck a dick and save a smile... If you have sex 365 times a year, and if you melted down all of the condoms to make a tire, what would you call it? A fuckin Goodyear! Sex is like playing spades. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. Big Bad Wolf told Little Red Riding Hood to lift her top so he could suck her tits. "No," she said while lifting her skirt, "Eat me like the fuckin book says!" A rooster and a cat were playing by the pool. The cat fell in and the rooster laughed. The rooster exclaimed, "A

One day a blonde and her boyfriend went to a car store. He asks her what car she wants but she says, "I dunno." So he takes her around to all the car shops and she says, "I want the BMW." He asks her why she wants a BMW and she says, "Because I dunno how to spell the other brands!"

What breaks up a redneck orgy? When mom and dad/uncle arrive home too soon.

A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, "I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones, whom I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours." The banker said, "Yes, he certainly was trusted, and he will be tried as soon as we catch him."

Dave went on a business trip for a few days. When he returned, his wife reported that the dog really missed him. "She spent every night at the front door, waiting for you to come home," she said. "What an example of devotion," Dave replied. "I wonder if you'd be that concerned about me?" "Honey," she answered, "if you were gone overnight, and I didn't know where you were, you can be sure I'd be waiting for you at the front door."

A poor man walks into a bar. Another man sat down 2 feet away from him, and pulled out a wad of $50s from his wallet. The poor man got an idea. He tells the rich man, "I have a special talent. I bet you all the money in your wallet I can sing a song with any woman's name in it." The rich man laughed. "Alright. How about my wife's name, Joanne Skyler Thomas?" What does the poor man sing? -_-_-_-_-_-_-_- Answer: "Happy Birthday" It's a real song, and can have anyone's name in it. The poor man walks away rich. The rich man walks away poor.

A Thanksgiving Cookbook by Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten Class. NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be responsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook. Ivette - Banana Pie You buy some bananas and crust. Then you mash them up and put them in the pie. Then you eat it. Russell - Turkey You cut the turkey up and put it in the oven for ten minutes and 300 degrees. You put gravy on it and eat it. Geremy - Turkey You buy the turkey and take the paper off. Then you put it in the refrigerator and take it back out and cut it with a knife and make sure all the wires are out and take out the neck and heart. Then you put it in a big pan and cook it for half an hour at 80 degrees. Then you

A radical feminist gets on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat. "Here we go again," she thinks to herself. "Yet another man attempting to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat," and she pushes him back onto the seat. A minute passes and the man tries to get up again. She's insulted again and refuses to allow him to get up. This happens several times over the next few minutes. Finally, the man pleads, "Lady, please, you have to let me get up. I'm already a couple of miles past my stop!"

When the second grader arrived home from school, she excitedly ran up to her mom and said, "Guess what we learned today, mommy? How to make babies." Her mother was more than surprised, but did her best to remain calm. She knew that this day would come, but she had hoped it wouldn't have been so soon. "How interesting dear," her mother said. "How do you make babies?" "It's really simple," replied the little girl. "All you have to do is change the 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

When Little Johnny got his exam paper back, he saw a big red F staring back at him. Billy looked at his glum friend and asked, "Why did you get such a low mark on that test?" "Because of absence," Johnny answered. "You mean you were absent on the day of the test?" Billy inquired. Little Johnny replied, "I wasn't, but the kid who sits next to me was."

Yo Momma so heavy that she sank the Titanic. Yo Momma so stupid that she came up to George Bush and called him gay and Hitler #2. Yo Momma so old that she saw Abraham Lincoln die. Yo Momma so slow that she was mistaken for a rock. Yo Momma so stupid that she thinks she's a man! Yo Momma so weak that when she walks into a bar they have to feed her like a baby!

1. I am the Lord thy God and thou shalt have not too many other Gods besides me. 2. Thou shalt make no graven images. This is a major religion, not a shop class. 3. Thou shalt not take the name of thy God in vain without the express written consent of thy God. The name "Thy God" is the sole property of thy God. Any use of the name of thy God without the express writtenconsent of thy God is unauthorized and illegal and shall be punished by thy God. 4. Remember the Sabbath, thy squash game and thy other appointments. 5. Honor thy single parent. 6. Thou shalt not kill a man just to watch him die. 7. Thou shalt not commit adultery and then run for office. 8. Thou shalt not steal. (Note: N