And Moses looked upon the Lord and said: "We are your chosen people and you want us to cut the tips off of our WHAT?"

There were four blondes sitting on the bank of a river, each with a fishing pole intently concentrating on the task at hand. A Game Warden drove by and saw the four women fishing and decided to check for the proper fishing licenses and equipment. He approached the women and told them he needed to check for their fishing licenses and to his surprise, they all replied they did not have one. However, before the Warden could speak, one of the women spoke up and said, "Mr. Warden, sir, we are not fishing for you normal catch. We are environmentalist ridding the waters of garbage and other debris." "We are not fishing for fish." said one of the others. "We have poles, yes," another woman

Yo momma is so fat, she sat on a gamecube and made it into a gameboy advance.

What she says: Any ring is fine, as long as I have you. What she's thinking: No diamond? How cheap! I'll make his life a living hell! I'll put poison in his coffee! I'll cut his brake lines! Get her a diamond, idiot!!

Women are like beer. They look good, smell good, taste good, and feel good. But after a while you gotta have another beer!

FRIEND: You don't look so good, what's wrong? HARRY: I got domestic trouble. FRIEND: But Harry you always said your wife was a pearl. HARRY: Yeah its the mother of pearl that's the problem.

Fun things to do in a Waiting Room- ---------------------------------------------------- 1.) Stand in a doorway and press your arms against the frame. 2.) Take a pencil or pen and make little airplane noises and if anyone notices, stare at them and say, "We've been spotted!" and run around in circles. 3.) Try to get behind the receptionist's counter and when some one comes, pop up, and yell "surprise!" at anyone under 50. (heart attack risk) 4.) Make paper airplanes out of magazine pages. Fly them around the room. 5.) Stare at someone in the room and yell, "It's an agent!" and run out. 6.) Come in dressed as a bum and ask if they have any fried beans. 7.) Repeat the following conversa

What did the porcupine say to the cactus? "Is that you, mommy?"

FUNNY ENGLISH NOTICES AROUND THE WORLD! --------------------------------------- Here are some signs and notices written in English that were discovered throughout the world. You have to give the writers an 'E' for Effort. We hope you enjoy them. In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up. In a Belgrade hotel elevat

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills off brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient mach

Q. What did the pedophile say when he got out of jail? A. I feel like a kid again!

Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly?