A little girl went into the barber shop to get a haircut. When the barber was cutting her hair he realized she was eating a little debbie snack. He said, "Sweetie, you're going to get hair on your twinkie." The little girl answered, "I know, and I'm going to get boobs, too."

Knock knock. Who's there? Cows. Cows who? No, owls hoo, cows moo.

Movie stars are a reel treat!

Yo momma's so fat, that when she went to the doctor, he did an ultrasound test.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To go to the other side! Why did the Mexican Chicken cross the Border? To get to the U.S.

Then there was the dyslexic robber who held up the bank with a gnu.

A husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready for work when the husband looked at his wife and said, "I gotta have you!" He backed her up against the bathroom door, pulled down her panties and ravaged her. He knew he was doing great because she screamed and wiggled more than she ever had before. When he finished, he started putting his clothes back on when he noticed his wife still writhing against the door. He said, "That was the best honey. You've never moved like that before, you didn't hurt yourself did you?" His wife replies, "No, no. I'll be okay once I get the doorknob out of my ass."

Girl: "Have you ever been caught been wearing your mother's bra? Boy: "No!" Girl: "So you have worn them but not been caught?"

- Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch. - You watch cartoons long after your kids get bored. - You think the French Riviera is a foreign car. - You think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard. - You're still scalping tickets after the concert is over. - You don't think Jeff's Foxworthy's jokes are funny. - Every time you see a roadsign that says "DIP" you reach in your back pocket. - You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table.

Overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you.

One day, someone phoned Central Manhattan Office. Caller: Good afternoon. I'm John Smith. Operator: GOOD AFTERNOON! CAN I HELP YOU? Caller: Who are you? Why are you so rude? Operator: WHO ARE YOU LOOKING FOR? Caller: I am looking for my sister, Gabrielle Smith. She works here, right? Operator: SHE IS IN THE TOILET! Caller: Okay. Now I want to know who you are. Why are you so rude? Operator: I'M SAW LEE! Caller: Oh, you should be sorry because you are so rude! Then the caller hung up the phone. *Try to pronounce "SAW LEE". It sounds like "SORRY", right?

This story is true. I heard my brother tell it to my cousins when we went out spotlighting. Well my brother and 2 of his friends were drunk. One of my brothers friends were so drunk he passed out. I forget what he landed on, but the power went out. The blond comes screaming "What's happening??!!" my brother and his other friend reply,"The house is falling down!!" So the blond runs to the door and pushes up on the doorway, and turns beet red. I don't know the erst of the story because my brother had just remembered I was in the car. He knew I would tell mom everything he said that was bad because I'm 12.