The can was invented quite a while before the can opener.

It was the first day of school and this girl's teacher asked her what her name was. She said "Texas." The teacher said, "Haha, no really, what's your name?" and the girl said, "Texas," so the teacher said, "Go to the principal's office." The principal said, "What's your name?" She replied, "Texas." He said, "Funny, what's your name?" and she said, "Texas," so he sent her home. As Texas was walking home, a guy stopped her and said, "What's your name?" She said, "Texas." He said, "That's funny. No, really, what's your name?" She said, "Texas." He said, "I will stab you with my mother's butcher knife if you don't tell me what your real name is," and she said, "IT'S TEXAS!" so he stabbed her. Wh

Josh was never the most gifted child, but for this he couldn't really be blamed. His mother, Maria, was no better than him. However, the singular talent that he possessed was an odd one: He could memorize everything he ate. His mother didn't see this as satisfactory, but she decided to put his talent to good use; how you ask? Simply by writing, "Brilliant! Be brilliant!" on his lunch bag!

(To fully enjoy this joke, please read the Wocka jokes entittled: December 1st December 2nd Enjoy!) FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: December 3rd RE: Holiday Party Regarding the note I received from a member of "Alcoholics Anonymous" requesting a non-drinking table - you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Forget about the gifts exchange. No gift exchangements are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WI

Yo Mamma is so poor, when you asked for milk she said,"left or right?"

You might be a redneck if... On stag night, you take a real deer. You use a 55 Chevy as a guest house. Your back porch is bigger than your house. There is more oil in your cap than in your car. You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture. A full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat. An expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall. You think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother's tooth. You watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips. Your secret family recipe is illegal.

The big list of fun stuff to do in that boring ol' courtroom of law... 1. Bring a cell phone and order a pizza when the judge starts talking. 2. Bring a zip-lock bag full of grapes and launch a few at the defendant when the judge isn't looking. 3. Giggle uncontrollably when they show the evidence, if any blood is present. 4. If they ever bring up the possibility of an accomplice, duck your head and quiver. 5. Stand up and yell "OBJECTION!" to everything the judge says. EVERYTHING. 6. If you're the defendant, wait until the judge starts talking about you. Proceed to hide under your table. 7. If anybody attempts to communicate with you in any way, stare off into space and blow spit bubb

Paddy was an inveterate drunkard. The parish priest ran into him one day totally inebriated, attempting to stumble home, and gave him a strong lecture against drinking. The good father was able to convince Paddy that, "If you continue drinking as you do, you'll gradually get smaller and smaller, and eventually you'll turn into a mouse." This frightened the life out of Paddy. He went home that night, and could not get that thought out of his mind. He couldn't sleep for a week worrying about the priest's threat and finally said to his wife, "Bridget....if you should notice me getting smaller and smaller, will ye kill that blasted cat?"

Two gay guys are having sex. The penis says to the asshole "you think you have it bad, I'm up to my nuts in shit over here!"

I was sitting in chat room, Feeling mildly amused, When I saw something strange, That left me all confused. Someone typed a word, (As far as I could tell) But I had never seen it. What is an LOL? Then the plot got thicker, More words I didn't know, A person started typing, The word LMAO. I sat there in amazement, I felt like a dumb toad. Could it be, these people, Were speaking in a code? That's when I looked closer. And found the subtle clue. I figured out this code And I'll share it now, with you. LOL is three little words, That seem, to me, quite shady. Why would someone ever write The words, "Lean Over Lady"? LMAO, was more obscure, It made me sweat my socks! LMAO is a comman

A young priest gets up in the morning and goes to breakfast. On his way there, two nuns look at him and he says, "Good morning, Sisters," and they reply, "You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." This stuns the priest, who thought he had been very polite, but he just goes on. He encounters a Brother a little while later along the way and he says, "Good morning, Brother." The Brother replies, "You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." The priest was very confused at this and goes on. He gets a little farther and he comes across a fellow priest and he says, "Good morning, Father." The priest replies, "You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." Now the p

Sorry I'm late... I had to walk down stairs... since yo momma took up the entire elevator and it broke.