Popular Jokes
Managed to remember some MORE Redneck lines while hearing a couple more.
You know you're a redneck when:
You lost your virginity at the age of 11.
You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
Taking a dip has nothing to do with water.
There are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.
You take a fishing pole to Sea World.
The hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.
Your TV is a bag of manure on fire.
Your "family reunion" was at the NRA convention.
Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.
You've shot somebody over a mall parking space.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
Making a chocolate cake has
If ham is Canadian bacon, then what the heck do you Canadians call bacon?
Why did the chicken do a poo right in front of a hole on a really busy footpath?
Because he wanted people to slip on the poo and fall in the hole.
There were cockroaches in the corner of a hotel when four people saw it and reacted differently. The hotel manager saw the cockroaches, and said "Can somebody please clean these up? It's ruining my hotel." A customer saw it and said "Don't the hotel facilities know how to maintain this hotel clean and free of gross creatures? I'm out of here." A movie star saw it and said "Eeewww, crochy! Go away!" Then a beggar outside saw it and said "Is that dinner? For me?"
The other day, I bought a packet of air. I was surprised to find a few potato chips inside it.
-Dedicated to Lays
Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. "She's incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards." said one doctor. "Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of Percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!"
The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy nearly exploded!"
Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down the hall. "Oh my God!" said the first doctor, "I just realized I told Nurse Jenny to prick Mr. Smith's boil!"
Teacher: Johnny, where is your homework?
Johnny: Its on Facebook. I've uploaded a copy and tagged you. Please login and verify it later.
One day Jenny's parents decided to go out to eat and see a movie. They tell her not to have anyone over. So her parents leave. About 15 minutes later she hears the doorbell ring. "Oh my boyfriend is here." She opens the door to bring him upstairs to do some stuff. About an hour later the doorbell rings and she says, "Shit my second boyfriend is here!" So she stuffs her first boyfriend into a closet full of bones. She opens the door and brings her second boyfriend upstairs to do some stuff. About an hour later the doorbell rings again and she says, "Shit my third boyfriend is here!" So she stuffs her second boyfriend into a closet of feathers. She opens the door and brings her third boyfriend
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