Popular Jokes
A redhead, brunette and a blonde went to the doctor. As they sat in the waiting room, the redhead got bored and went to the small fishbowl in the middle of the room where a goldfish swam around happily.
The redhead stared at the goldfish and the fish also stared back. After 1 minute, the redhead tilted her head to the left and the fish swam in that direction. She tilted her head to the right and the fish also swam to the right.
The brunette saw this trick, was impressed and asked the redhead how she did it. "Easy", replied the redhead. "It's just mind over matter."
So the brunette stared at the fish and the fish also stared back. After 3 minutes, the brunette tilted her head to the left
A blonde named Megan decides to go out for a ride in her new convertible. While she's out driving she sees her best friend Christina, another blonde. She has a sign that reads "Vegas or Bust." "Why are you leaving?" asked Megan. "Some guy came up to me and told me to get out of town." "Come with me. We'll go find the guy that said this and find out what's up." Christina got in the car and they drove until Christina said she saw the guy who told her to leave town.
As they approached him, he looked at Christina and said, "I remember you." She cowered behind Megan. "You forgot your flier." He handed her a flier that read "Get Outta Town! To Sunny Beach Resorts California!"
There were some kids playing hopscotch and they were allowed to skip so when the winner was on 8 it went straight to 10
Please answer yes or no to this question.
Is your answer "no"?
Hint: This is under trick, remember.
Answer: Yes or no.
Make sure the lawyer YOU hire does not do any of these things:
1. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you cocaine.
2. He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser."
3. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is,
they high-five each other.
4. He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
5. During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.
6. He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."
7. A prison guard is shaving your head.
8. Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.
9. He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.
10. He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.
11. He begins clos
Jenny walks into a pet shop and says to Bobby, the owner, "I want to buy a canary." "We have many types," says Bobby, "is there any particular one you're after?"
"Yes," replies Jenny, "its got to be a very good singer. I'm prepared to pay good money for a great singing bird."
"Lady, I've got the very one," says Bobby, "I've been in this business for a long time and this bird has the best singing voice I've ever heard - we don't call it 'Pavarotti' for nothing. I'll get it for you."
As he begins to climb a ladder to reach a small cage on the top shelf, Jenny says, "I hope you're not wasting your time. Just because you're climbing a ladder like a monkey won't make me feel obliged to buy thi
Every day, Mr. Koch has to cross the river by ferry in order to get to work.
Waking up late one morning, he dressed quickly, ran out the door and raced to the dock. The boat was several yards away, and stepping back and taking a mighty leap, Mr. Koch landed with a crash on the deck.
"Made it!" he cried triumphantly.
"So?" said one of the passengers, "What was the rush? The boat is coming in."
WARNING:DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE OR EAT OR GO POTTY!
A person named tommy had a wife named heather. Whenever Heather came home, She would bring something disguisting.
When heather died in a war, Tommy was sad. He said to himself, I MUST DIE IN A TOILET INSTEAD!
Summer was over and the teacher was asking the class about their vacations.
She turned to little Johnny and asked what he did over the summer. "We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota," he said.
"That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the teacher said, "Can you tell the class how you spell that?"
Little Johnny thought about it and said, "Come to think of it, she lives in Ohio."
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