A little girl went into the barber shop to get a haircut. When the barber was cutting her hair he realized she was eating a little debbie snack. He said, "Sweetie, you're going to get hair on your twinkie." The little girl answered, "I know, and I'm going to get boobs, too."

How does a rodeo star get around? With a cattle-act.

Mr.Watt rang the phone at the residence of Mr.Knott. "Who's calling?" asked Knott. "Watt." "What is your name, please?" "Watt's my name." "That's what I asked you. What's your name?" "That's what I told you. Watt's my name." A long pause, and then from Watt, "Is this James Brown?" "No, this is Knott." "Please tell me your name." "Will Knott." YOU LEFT THE TALKERS AT A POINT WHERE THEY WERE TOTALLY CONFUSED. READ THE REST OF WHAT HAPPENED... "Why not?" "Huh? What do you mean why not?" "Yeah! Why won't you tell me your name?" "But I told you my name!" "Didn't you say you will not?" "Not not, knott, Will Knott!" "That's what I mean." "So you know my name." "Of course not!" "Good. So now, wha

Are you an aspirin? Because I'd like to take you every 4 to 6 hours. There are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to mount and take back to my place. Excuse me, are you hiring? I heard you have an opening you need filled. What has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper. Do you like parties? Because you can climb up my pants and have a ball! If you were vanilla ice cream and I was hot caramel, I'd pour myself all over you. Here is $30. Drink until I am really good looking, then come to talk to me. Girl......you are like a tall glass of water, and I'm telling you str8 up I'm thirsty. If you were a word on a piece of paper you would read (fine pr

Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.

Yo momma's so stupid she tried to drown a fish.

What do you get when you cross an eagle with a jeep and a dog? A flying car-pet!

Two maggots were playing billiards. One says, "I'm bored." The other replies, "Beats fishing."

Yo mama so dirty that she was banned from a sewage facility because of sanitation worries!

Back in the days of old, Before condoms were invented, Knights wrapped socks Around their cocks, And babies were prevented.

A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida. "Is it true," he asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?" "That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."

Marble is a valuable building material and should not be taken for granite.