How to be Politically Correct With Women II

She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - she is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT. She is not a BAD COOK - she is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE. She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - she is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED. She is not CONCEITED - she is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES. She does not want to be MARRIED - she wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION. She does not GAIN WEIGHT - she is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER. She does not TEASE or FLIRT - she engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION. She is not DUMB - she is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY. She is not TOO SKINNY - she is SKELETALLY PROMINENT. She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE - she is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE.