Why are Democrats better than Republicans in bed? You've never heard of getting a good piece of elephant, have you?

Matters had progressed to the point where the freshman and his date were naked in the motel bed when the girl had a change of heart. "I suppose you're going to tell me now that you're waiting for 'Mr. Right'," he said dejectedly. "That's a silly old romantic notion," laughed the coed. "I'm just waiting for 'Mr. Big'."

Yo momma's so fat when she stepped on the scale she said, "Wow, that's my phone number!"

Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.

Yo mamma is so fat, she jumped up and got stuck in the sky.

Given m = money, e = evil, t = time and w = women, prove that women are evil (women = evil) 1. m = e ^ (1/2) (money is the root of all evil) 2. t = m (time is money) 3. w = t * m (women are the product of time and money) 4. w = m ^ 2 (substitution) 5. w = {e ^ (1/2)} ^ 2 (substitution) 6. w = e Proven by mathematics - women are evil.

This is how you know if you are addicted to the internet: 1) You kiss you girlfriend's home page. 2.) Your bookmarks list takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom. 3.) Your eyeglasses have a web site burned into them. 4.) You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to Google. 5.) You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines. 6.) You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop. 7.) You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap, and your kid in the overhead compartment. 8.) Your dreams are in HTML. 9.) You find yourself typing ".com" after every period when using a word processor. 10.) You

What did one tradesman say to another? I hope you have a "barter" day tomorrow.

Girl, "Oh, Superman I love you so much!" Superman,"I don't blame you."

One fine day in the middle of the night, Two dead men got up to fight, Back to back they faced each other, Drew their swords and shot each other, A paralyzed donkey passing by, Kicked a blind man in the eye, Knocked him through a nine-inch wall Into a dry ditch and drowned them all.

Nobody can breathe out of their nose and mouth at the same time. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * You know, 95% of the people who read this try to do it...well, it's impossible!!! DUH!!!! (lol)

Why is it that when babies are born they only weigh like 7 lbs. yet the mom weighs 30 lbs. more? Why do they call the small candy bars the "fun sizes"? Wouldn't be more fun to eat a big one? Why do people say PIN number when that truly means Personal Identification Number Number? If the handicapped bathrooms are for people who can't walk why do they put them at the end of the bathrooms? Can someone give up lent for lent? Why do people say, "You've been working like a dog," when dogs just sit around all day? If marriage means you fell in love, does divorce mean you climbed out? And why isn't the word 'gullible' in the dictionary?