Tigers really are as big and poofy and soft as they look, and they purr like a freight train going by. You find this out by taking one for a walk. To take a tiger for a walk, you first need a tiger. Tigers fresh from the bush are not recommended for the inexperienced. What you need is one who is used to the procedure. He or she is thus liable to be merely playful, rather than actively irritated. You also need a friend, whom you really, really trust. The friend carries an apple wood cane; apple, or some other wood which will bend under stress rather than shattering. This, friend, is your backup, and the cane is his or her only tool for everything, from knocking stuff out of the way that the t

A dumb list for dumb laws: Australia 1. Children may not purchase cigarettes, but can smoke them. 2. You may never leave your car keys in an unattended vehicle. 3. It is illegal to roam the streets wearing black clothes, felt shoes and black shoe polish on your face as these items are the tools of a cat burglar. England 1. Those wishing to use a television must apply for a license. 2. It is illegal to leave baggage unattended. 3. Picking up abandoned baggage is as act of terrorism. France 1. Between the hours of 8AM and 8PM, 70% of the music in the radio must be by French composers. Thailand 1. It is illegal to leave your house if you are not wearing underwear. 2. You must wear a shir

Never trust google! why? follow the instruction below and you'll get what I mean Please do it right now and see the blunder made by google. 1. Open google 2. Click 'language tools' link. 3. Write "Linda's mom is very nice" in 'Translate text:' textbox. 4. Select "English to Spanish" in the below combo. 5. Press Translate and wait for translation. 6. Now copy the translated text from the above text and paste it in the 'Translate text:' textbox. 7. Select "Spanish to English" in the below combo. 8. Press Translate and wait for translation. 9. Enjoy. Copy paste below's URL to go to translator page of google: http://www.google.com/language_tools?hl=en

Due to high demmand, I will not maker you wait for all 50 states to come out, instead, here is ALL OF THE 51 states of laws. Alabama • A 1950 anti-obscenity law in Irondale, Ala., prohibited any showing of anyone nude or "in a substantially nude state" except a babe in arms. • Anniston: You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street. • An ordinance in Linden, Ala., provided that all women of "uncertain chastity" had to be off the streets by 9 p.m. • Bear wrestling matches are prohibited. • Boogers may not be flicked into the wind. • Children of incestuous couples are deemed legitimate. • Dominoes may not be played on Sunday. • Hunting is not allowed on Sunday. • Ince

The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the fuss over "Ebonics," has decided to designate Southern slang, or "Hickphonics," as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary: Hire yew - noun. Greeting - How are you - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: "Howdy. How are you." Bard - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck." Jawjuh - noun. A state just north of Florida. Capital is Atlanta. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck." Munts - noun. A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munt

Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers? A: Professional courtesy.

There once was this deacon and this preacher, and they had been really good friends for a long time. Well, one day the deacon got sick and was taken to hospital, so the preacher decided to go and see his old friend. When he walked into the hospital room, the preacher noticed all the hoses and stuff they had going into the deacon. The preacher walked over and kneeled by the bed and asked, "How ya doing?" The deacon motioned at a pad and pen on the nightstand. "You want that?" the preacher asked him, and the deacon nodded his head yes. So the preacher handed his friend the pad and pen and the deacon began to write. All of a sudden the deacon died. At his funeral, the preacher was asked to deli

People say you are the perfect idiot. I say you are not perfect, but you are doing pretty good.

A guy responds to a job position at the city zoo. The ad mentioned the salary but not what he would be doing. He soon learns that the zoo's gorilla had unexpectedly passed away. The zoo had just spent millions on promotions that focused on the gorilla, and now they needed a gorilla. The guy really needed the job and the money was good so he accepted. Every day, he would put on the gorilla suit, hang out in his cage, and be the gorilla. After a while, he started enjoying himself. He would scare little kids, roar at the crowds, and eat bananas. As time wore on, he became the main attraction at the zoo. He would swing on his trees and vines, and the people loved him. One particularly busy S

"Madame," said the psychiatrist, "you haven't got a complex; you ARE inferior."

THE SEQUELS CONTINUE (these are all by me by the way) "Hmm... Let's go for the gusto today!" "Here's my ticket to fame, fortune, and Ripley's Beleive it or Not!" "I'm not as think as you drunk I am!" "Gotta match?" "Now, why in the name of God's green Earth did I do that?!" "We'll just mix these two together and that should...!" "No honey, there's no one in your closet. Now go to sleep. Quit crying. Here, I'll look just to make sure." "It's the red wire, right? The blue wire? There is no blue wire. The black one then? You're so wishy-washy. Here I'll just cut them both!" "Wow. A real dud grenade! Can I pick it up?" "Hey what's with the mask! I'm just visiting the hospital! Zzzzzzzz

During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. Two weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope delcined. A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, the Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format. "The good news is... that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!"