Redneck Words

The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the fuss over "Ebonics," has decided to designate Southern slang, or "Hickphonics," as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary: Hire yew - noun. Greeting - How are you - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: "Howdy. How are you." Bard - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck." Jawjuh - noun. A state just north of Florida. Capital is Atlanta. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck." Munts - noun. A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts." Ignert - adjective. Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!" Ranch - noun. A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago." All - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck." Far - noun. A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far." Bahs - noun. A supervisor. Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work (or studying), your bahs is gonna far you!" Tar - noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck." Tire - noun. A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime." Retard - Verb. To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65." Tarred - adverb. Exhausted. Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred." Fat - noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or combat. Ar - pronoun. Possessive case of we used as a predicate adjective. Rats - noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats." Farn - adjective. Not local. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed... must be from some farn country." Did - adjective. Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim." Ear - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA). Usage: "He cain't breath ... give 'im some ear!" Bob war - noun. A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence." Jew - Noun and verb contraction. Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?" Haze - a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah... haze ignert." Saw - verb, past tense. View - contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City... view?" Heavy dew - phrase. A request for action. Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?" Gummit - noun. A bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Them gummit boys shore are ignert."