There was a man who had problems with his penis getting hard. So he went to a doctor and said,"Doctor, can you please help me?" The doctor said,"Well we can put on replacement penis." There was a wood one, a metal one, and a 20 foot penis. The man said,"Yes, that will really help.. I'll take the wood one." The doctor told him to come back the next day to let him know how he liked it. The next day he came back and said,"Doctor, the wood penis is giving my girlfriend splinters and we can't have that." The doctor said,"Well, try the metal one and come back and tell me how it works." The next day he came back and said,"Doctor, its not working right. It's too cold for my girlfriend." The d

Yo momma so dumb that when we told her it was a serial killer on the loose she went and locked all the boxes of cereal up in the cabinet.

yo momma so fat she has her own area code.

An Indian man made a painting with the sun above a beach. He proudly displayed his painting. When people marvel at his work and asked, "What's it called?" He said, "Sun of a Beach."

A guy walked up to this little boy and asked what was closer, ( it was a joke) the moon or the Cayman Islands. The little boy said, "The moon, because you can't see the Caymen Islands, but you can see the moon." The guy decided to show some people on the streets this fine genius. That same day, the guy shouted out, "Listen to the genius. Once the guy asked which was closer, the moon or the Cayman Islands, the little boy said " The Cayman Islands." "Why do you think that?" the guy asked. the boy said "Yesterday, I saw some people from the Cayman Islands. Have YOU ever seen some one from the moon? I sure haven't."

Man: Haven't we been on a couple dates before? Woman: Couldn't have been. I don't make the same mistake twice.

An inmate in Virginia sued himself for $5,000,000 for 'violating his rights by getting himself in prison.' However, since he can't get an income in prison, he requests that the government pay the money for him. A woman sued Kenmore Inc., after she gave her poodle a bath. She stuck him in the microwave on low to dry him off, and is suing Kenmore for the death of her dog. Four women have sued an Irvine restaurant after one of them claims she found a condom in her clam chowder when dining there last year. A 10-year-old boy tried to sue his landlord, because, he says, the toilet exploded when he flushed it. A 27-year-old man tried rocking a vending machine back and forth so he could try to s

You Know You're Addicted to Ebay When... 1.) Every time you go to the grocery store, you offer the cashier one cent more for each item in the cart of the person in front of you. 2.) To cut costs, FedEx and UPS are considering relocating their operations centers to your house. 3.) Sitting on the floor of your empty apartment, you stare at your fingers and wonder whether they'll sell better, individually or as a matched set. 4.) Your spouse is loving and caring, but you decided to file for divorce because you need the storage space. 5.) You're the reason they adopted the "No selling your children's vital organs" policy. 6.) You find yourself searching eBay auctions for milk, eggs and br

Yo Momma so small, she held up a sign that said "Don't spit, I can't swim."

Ever wonder why bottled water costs so much when there is so much of it? Spell "evian" backwards.....

What's an innunedo? An Italian hemorrhoid prepareation. What do you call a good looking girl on the campus of Clemson University? A visitor. Iraq, a good place to take a shiite. New rules for poker in Los Angeles -- four clubs beat a king. Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners? So men can understand them. What's the difference between Gov't bonds and men? Gov't bond eventually mature. What did God say after he created man? "I can do better than this . . ." What's the best thing to come out of a peter? The wrinkles. What's the difference between 'light' and 'hard'? You can sleep with the light on. What's the difference between 'dark' and 'hard'? It stays dark all night. W

Actual bumper sticker on a jeep (the writing was upside down). "If you can read this, flip me over!"