What is more stupid then a brunette trying to start a fire in a pool? A blonde trying to put it out.

I wonder who came up with the company People's Gas and where was their Pepto-Bismal?

Q: What do you call a guy with a Spade in his head? A: Doug. Q: What do you call a guy without a spade in his head? A: Douglas

Yo mama so short, she did a suicide jump off of the curb.

Always on the look-out for a bargain, I was dining out and came across a menu entree "T-Bone* $4.25". I inquired of the waiter how they could sell a dinner at that price. He advised me to check the bottom of the menu. Next to the "*" was "with meat, $14.95"

Yo moma's like the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow a lot of seamen.

"May I have your name, please?" "My name's Myne." "What?" "My name is Myne." "Uh... I know your name is yours but..." "Wait, who told you my name is Yores?" "What? I think I said your name is yours..." "You think you know my name better than me?" "Oh, no, of course, that's why I said your name is yours..." "Hey, listen, now I'm telling you, my name is not Yores..." "Sure, that's just what I said!" "OK, then forget it, now you got my name?" "Sorry no, what's your name again please?" "My name is Myne." "Yes, yours, I know..." "Not Yores, Myne. Myne, did you hear?" "Yes, I do, I know that. But does that mean you won't tell your name?" "What? And you said you heard it right! I already told you."

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. 2. Sorry, I didn't realize that my radar detector wasn't on. 3. Aren't you the guy from the village people? 4. Hey you must have been going 125mph just to keep up with me. 5. I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a cop. 6. Bad cop! No donut! 7. You're gonna check the trunk, aren't you? 8. I was going to be a cop, really, but I decided to finish high school. 9. I pay your salary. 10. That's terrific, the last guy only gave me a warning also. 11. Is that a 9 mm? It's nothing compared to this 44 magnum! 12. What do you mean, have I been drinking? You're a trained specialist. 13. Do you know why you pulled me ove

9. Why it's good to have five pairs of black shoes. 8. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white. 7. Crying can be fun. 6. Fat clothes. 5. A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch. 4. Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be considered a peak life experience. 3. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. 2. A good man might be hard to find, but a good hairdresser is next to impossible. And the number one thing only women understand... 1. Other women!

A hurricane blew across the Caribbean. It didn't take long for the expensive yacht to be swamped by high waves, sinking without a trace. There were only two survivors: the boat's owner, Dr. Jones and the steward, Jack who managed to swim to the closest island. After reaching the deserted strip of land, the steward was crying and very upset that they would never be found. Dr. Jones on the other hand was quite calm, relaxing against a tree. "Dr. Jones, Dr. Jones, how can you be so calm?" cried Jack. "We're going to die on this lonely island. We'll never be discovered here." "Sit down and listen to what I have to say, Jack." began the confident Dr. Jones. "Five years ago, I gave the United

A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do?" The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn't respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you." The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, "What's for dinner, honey?" He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet. Again, no answer. Finally he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

See if you can do this: Read each line aloud This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is a cat This is dumbass cat This is busy cat This is for cat This is forty cat This is seconds cat Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top.