Some of the replies given by a group of five to seven year olds from New York State who were asked, "How are babies made?" "Mom makes babies with Dr. Roberts. I dunno how they do it." "If a man and a woman love each other very, very much, the woman will grow a baby inside her body." "Dad has a carrot that he plants in Mom's cabbage patch. About a year later the baby has been grown." "Mom collects the babies from the hospital where they are born somehow." "Mom takes a pill every day and it's a baby pill. It makes a baby grow inside her tummy. When it's one year old it comes out of her and cries." "Mom and Dad are happy together and then a baby comes along." "The father gives the mother

A guy in sitting in a bar hving a drink. All of a sudden an alien sits down next to him, licks its finger and sticks it in the guys ear. The guy's a little annoyed, but doesn't say anything. The next thing he knows, the alien does it again. this time the guy tells him to quit. Five minutes later, it happens again. This time he yells at him to stop. Ten minutes later, he finds a finger in his ear. Finally, he jumps up and screams, "If you don't quit I'm gonna rip your balls off!". the alien thinks about it for a second, and does it again. The guy jumps up, pulls its pants down, but there was nothing there! In frustration he asks, "How do you screw?!" the alien smiles and sticks his finger in

STAFF NOTICE - TOILET POLICY Effective immediately, a toilet policy will be established to provide more consistent method of accounting for staff during working hours, thus ensuring effective time management & equal treatment of all. In the future, the doors to all toilets will be equipped with computer linked voice recognition devices, which can only be activated to open at the sound of a person's voice. Staff must therefore immediately provide management with 2 voice prints, one in normal tone & one under stress/desperation. The following rules shall also apply: 1. On the first day of every month, all staff will be issued 22 toilet trip credits. 2. Once toilet trip bank

Major Scandal during their presidency.... Nixon: Watergate Clinton: Waterbed The President's biggest fear.... Nixon: The Cold War Clinton: The Cold Sore Complaints toward the President..... Nixon: Carpet-Bombing Clinton: Carpet-Burns Their Vice-Presidents... Nixon: His was Greek Clinton: His is a Geek. Presidential qualities..... Nixon: Couldn't stop Kissinger. Clinton: Couldn't stop kissing her. Things the President couldn't explain.... Nixon: The missing 18-minutes on the tapes Clinton: The 36D bra in his briefcase Job titles.... Nixon: Ex-President Clinton: Sex-President Slogans.... Nixon: Known for campaign slogan "Nixon's The One" Clinton: Known for women pointi

Knock-knock Who's there? Giraffe Giraffe who? Giraffaggot!

You might be a redneck if... The idea for the Budweiser frogs came from listening to you and your friends trying to read the label on the bottle.

You might be a redneck if... You can remember every NASCAR driver and their car number but can't remember how old your children are.

You might be a redneck if... You think mud rasslin' should be an Olympic sport.

Little Jimmy was at the mall with his mother when a man came walking toward them. Little Jimmy hopped up and down, laughed, pointed, and screamed, "Mommy! Look at that bowlegged man!" His mother was so embarrassed. "James, your manners are atrocious! You need some culture, young man!" For the next month Little Jimmy was forced to read Shakespeare every night. When his detention was finally over, his mother again took him to the same mall. Sure enough, the same bowlegged man came walking toward them. Had Little Jimmy learned anything from the great bard? Yes. This time, as the man approached, Little Jimmy cried out, "Hark! What manner of man is this me sees, who wears his balls in paren

NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer. CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer. BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. BEAR MARKET - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. BROKER - What my broker has made me. STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell. STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock. STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselv

Real Quotes By George Bush: This is my maiden voyage. My first speech since I was the president of the United States and I couldn't think of a better place to give it than Calgary, Canada." - George W. Bush, as reported by the Associated Press, Calgary, Canada, March 17, 2009. "I'm going to put people in my place, so when the history of this administration is written at least there's an authoritarian voice saying exactly what happened." - George W. Bush, on what he hopes to accomplish with his memoir, as reported by the Associated Press, Calgary, Canada, March 17, 2009. "One of the very difficult parts of the decision I made on the financial crisis was to use hardworking people's money to

Lenin died, but his cause lives on!