Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

There are two men in a restroom, in stalls directly next to each other. Man #1 says "Hi there." Man #2, trying not to be rude, says, "Um...Hi" After a short silence, Man #1 speaks again saying, "So, how are things?" Man #2 replies, "Good.... I guess." Man #1 says, "Okay, honey, I have to go now, every time I talk to you on my phone this guy answers, bye."

JACK AND JILL Went up the hill To have a little fun. Stupid Jill Forgot the pill And now they have a son.

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB Her father shot it dead Now it goes to school with her Between two hunks of bread.

At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service". The act of doing things for other people. Then I heard the terms: Internal Revenue Service, Postal Service, Civil Service, Telephone Service, Service Stations, Customer Service, City/County Public Service. And I became confused about the word "service". This is not what I thought "service" meant. Then one day, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them mentioned that he was having a bull service a few of his cows. SHAZAM! It all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those "service" agencies are doing to us...

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch. One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get frisky?" The other replies, "Oh, sure I do." The first woman asks, "What do you do about it?" The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver." After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"

Why does a blonde keep lowering her head in the supermarket? She is looking for low prices.

What is the difference between a blonde and an ironing board? It's easier to open the legs on the blonde.

James came to school late. TEACHER: James, why are you late? JAMES: I had to take the cow to the bull to mate. TEACHER: Couldn't your father do that? JAMES: No, I think it's better for the bull to do it.

Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"

Proverb : Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Refined by me : Behind every successful man, there is a very much surprised woman.

The Hebrew people were sitting around Mt. Sinai. You could hear only a subdued murmur among them, but you could feel the tension in the air. For hours now, Moses had been on top of the mountain, hidden from their gaze by clouds wafting around its top. Sometimes the clouds became dark and you could hear thunder rolling down. In spite of the warm weather, this caused a shudder among the waiting mass. The end of day was approaching and dusk was beginning to set in when suddenly a figure came through the clouds and walked down the steep mountainside carrying a heavy load. It was Moses. Moses set down his load and raised his hands. "Friends," he said. "Friends, it was hard work and I have don