When you put 'THE' and 'IRS' together, it's an anagram of 'THEIRS'. Coincidence? I think not!

Yo mama's so skinny, when she wears striped PJ's there's only 2 stripes.

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a male farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. Of course the farmer is a blond. :) He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing. The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Er... excuse me mister, but what are you doing?" The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize." "How?" asks the man, puzzled. "Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field!"

yo mamma so fat that her nickname is you gonna eat that

1. If you had a $25 bill, what would you do with it? 2. How many tomatoes grow on a tree? 3. How many animals did Moses take on the ark?

Yo Momma's so fat, she wears a microwave as a beeper.

Q. Why are families like chocolate? A. They are mostly sweet, with a few nuts!

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead all get together once a week to talk about the problems they are having with their daughters, and get input from the other two moms. So, the brunette decided to open the meeting. "I found a pack of cigarettes on my daughter's nightstand the other night. What am I going to do?" The moms told her to talk to her daughter and tell her it was wrong, and to never do it again. The redhead said that she had recently found a 12 pack of beer in her daughter's closet. The moms told her to talk to her daughter, tell her it was wrong, and never to do it again. When it was the blonde mom's turn she said: "I found a box of condoms on my daughter'

A man sat in his attorney's office. "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer asked. "Give me the bad news first." "Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars." "That's the bad news?" asked the man, incredulously. "I can't wait to hear the terrible news." "The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."

I once knew a boy who was dating his left hand and having an affair with his right.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why isn't notebook paper constantly suffocating students while they take notes in class? I'll tell you why: because paper can't beat anybody; a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to beat me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "Oh shit, I'm sorry. I thought paper woul

"Is there chicken in your vegetarian gumbo?" - Asked of a waitress. "Just the chicken." The response a waitress gave when asked if there were any dairy products in a soup. "Would you like cream and sugar with that?" - Asked by a waitress when a customer specified orange juice instead of coffee as part of a breakfast meal. "Do you want cheese on that?" - Asked when a customer ordered a plain cheeseburger. "You want fries with that?" - Asked when a customer ordered an apple turnover. "Do you want onions on that?" - A waitress, in response to a couple ordering a milk shake and a large cola. "Is there any meat in the veggie rolls?" "Do you get rice with your fried rice?" "I'm sorry, we o