Popular Jokes
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from his store on a regular basis and would like some more.
"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always buy it here." says the blonde.
"Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist.
"YES," said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant"
Anno
Bill and Hillary were going down a back road and stopped at a gas station.
As the worker was filling up their car, he said to Hillary, "I went to high school with you".
She recognized him and agreed with him.
Later, as they were driving down the road, Bill said, "If you had married him you wouldn't be married to the President."
Hillary said, "Oh yes, I would - he would be President."
1. The Yankees General Manager's name is Brian Cashman.
2. Barry Bonds' initals are BB, the abreviation for a walk is also BB.
1) The couch is not mine.
2) No matter how much larger the human is, the cat still deserves half of the bed.
3) Tell those you love how much you love them but only after they feed you.
4) Its okay to be a tad overweight as long as you are still able to reach your goals(for example the windowsill).
5) Catnip actualy has a rather nice scent.
6) The printer is a valid seat.
7) All scurmishes with others can be solved by looking innocent.
8) Its okay to lose some hair,
and of course,
9) Its always nice to be with those you love,even if they do smell like dog!
A blonde goes on vacation to New York and wants to take a tour.
She goes to ask about the tours and says, "So, where can I catch the bus for the walking tour?"
Dear Abby:
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Since he lost his job five years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does is buy cigars and cruise around and bullshit with his pals, while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I am a lesbian.
What should I do?
Signed, Clueless
Dear Clueless:
Grow up and dump him. For Pete's sake, you don't need him any more.
You're a United States Senator from New York. Act like it!
Two friends went to the mall to go shopping; one was a brunette and the other was blonde.
As they were shopping, the blonde suddenly said: "That girl could pass as my twin."
The brunette starts laughing. The blonde says: "What is so funny?" The brunette says, "That was a mirror."
Never test the depth of water with both feet.
Don't take candy from strangers, unless they offer you a ride.
I'll start exercising as soon as i get into shape.
If you have something to say, raise your hand and put it over your mouth.
Maybe you should go to e-bay and buy a clue.
Earth is full. go home.
Gee, I'd like to care, but I wasn't given that gene.
Mirrors don't lie, and lucky for you, they can't laugh either. (i like this one)
If you can't laugh at yourself, at least let me do it.
I don't know what makes you so dumb, but it really works.
Men are from Mars, Women are from Visa. (ok that was kind'a dumb)
I used to have super powers but my therapist took them away.
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?"
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse." Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. The woman enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal ho
One day, a little Indian boy came up to an old man in the village (In the Indian heritage, the oldest are most wise). The little boy asks, "How do we Indians get their names? Like... Blackhawk, or Redeyes?" The old man says, "Well, actually, when they are born, the first thing we see is what we name them." "Oh! Okay, thanks!" says the little boy. "Any more questions, Two Dogs Fucking?"
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