A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?" She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice... "I don't fink my pet pyfon weally gives a thit."

There were two blondes sitting on the roof of a house. The ladder they had used to get on the roof fell down onto the ground. Blonde #1: Go get the ladder! Blonde #2: No way! If I jump down, I'll kill myself. Blonde #1: I know! I'll shine my flashlight down to the ground and you can climb down the beam of light. Blonde #2: No way! You'll just turn off the flashlight when I'm halfway down!

A blonde walked into the pet store and, after looking up and down the aisles, asked the sales clerk for help. "I'd like a box of birdseed," said the lady. "For which kind of bird?" he asked helpfully. "Oh, I dunno," she replied. "Whichever will grow the fastest."

One day in heaven, George Bush saw Moses & walked up to him. When he tried to say hi Moses ran off. The next day George Bush saw Moses again. He then tried to say hi, but he sped off again. The next day when George Bush saw Moses he asked him. " How come every time i try to say hi to you, you run off?" Moses replied," Last time I saw a bush, I was stuck in the desert for 40 years."

Yo mamma is so fat, she sat down in Wal-mart and lowered the prices.

Q: Why are frogs so happy? A: They eat whatever bugs them!

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food. 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time. 8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. 10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap. GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED: 1) Raising teenagers is like

How do the kids of dentists get around the neighborhood? On Molar-Skates

Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper) Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? A. No time at all, as it has already been built. (UPSC 23 Rank Opted for IFS) Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have? A. Very large hands. (Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)

Yo Momma's feet are so ashy she leaves white footprints. Yo Momma's house is so nasty the roaches moved out. Yo Momma's hair is so short it's ingrown. I would stay and chat, but yo momma's water bowl is empty.

A number of Primary Schools were doing a project on "The Sea." Kids were asked to draw pictures or write about their experiences. Teachers got together to compare the results and put together some of the comments that were funny and some that were sad. Here are some of them. The kids were all aged between 5 and 8 years: This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6) Whales are animals, not fish. If they don't get air they can drown, like my brother did last summer. (David age 7) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all around you, you are incontinent. (Wayne age 7) I think shark

It was Father's Day, and Little Billy's mom told him to tell his dad to just lay around, watch TV, and do nothing productive. So Little Billy went into the family room where he found his dad watching TV. Little Billy said, "Dad, it's Father's Day, so mom and me think that you should just lay around, watch TV, and do nothing productive." His dad looked up from the TV and smiled, then went back to watching his show. Little Billy paused a moment and said, "You know, just like you usually do..."