Insider's Guide to the Male Vocabulary ''Haven't I seen you before?'' = ''Nice ass.'' ''I'm a Romantic.'' = ''I'm poor.'' ''I need you.'' = ''My hand is tired.'' ''I am different from all the other guys.'' = ''I am not circumcised.'' ''I want a commitment.'' = ''I'm sick of masturbation.'' ''You're the only girl I've ever cared about.'' = ''You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me.'' ''I really want to get to know you better.'' = ''So I can tell my friends about it.'' ''It's just orange juice, try it.'' = ''3 more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head.'' ''She's kinda cute.'' = ''I wouldn't kick her out of bed but a pillow over the head might be necessary.'' ''I don't

My wife who is blonde came running up to me in the driveway the other day, just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck and I starting jumping up and down along with her. She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!" I said, "Great. Tell me what you're so happy about." She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told me that she was pregnant! I was ecstatic! We had been trying for a while, so I grabbed her and kissed her on the lips and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!" Then, she said "Oh, honey, there's more." I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?" She said, "Well, we are

Knock-Knock Who's there? A little old lady. A little old lady who? I didn't know you could yodel!

Divorced Jewish man seeks partner to attend shul with, light Shabbos candles, celebrate holidays, build Sukkah together, attend brisses and Bar Mitzvahs. Religion not important. ***** Israeli professor, 41, with 18 years of teaching in my behind. Looking for American-born woman who speaks English very good.I am a sensitive Jewish prince to whom you can open your heart to share your innermost thoughts and deepest secrets. Confide in me. I'll understand your insecurities. No fatties, please. ***** Jewish male, 34. Very successful, smart, independent, self-made. Looking for girl whose father will hire me. ***** Single Jewish woman, 29, into disco, mountain climbing, skiing, track and field. Has

Why did 3 blonds jump off the building? To see if their maxi-pads had wings!

Don't you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull?

Yo momma so fat, she has to use the highway as a slip and slide!

Yo mama's so short, she had 2 cuff her panties.

A blonde boards a flight going to New York and sits in first class. A flight attendant asks to see her ticket. It's a coach ticket. The flight attendant politely asks her to move. "I can do what eva I want! I'm a blonde." says the blonde. The flight attendant tells one of the other flight attendants that the blonde won't move. The second flight attendant walks up to the blonde and says something to her and the blonde goes to coach. "What did you say to her?" asks the first flight attendant. "I told her that first class wasnt going to New York, only coach is."

Photographing a new puppy isn't as easy as it may first sound... Remove film from box and load camera. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle. Choose a suitable background for photo. Mount camera on tripod and focus. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens. Take flash cube from puppy's mouth and throw in trash. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose. Put magazines b

Did you know that if you fart in church you have to sit in your own pew?

Only a redneck visits a trailer park to look for home decorating ideas.