What He Really Means

Insider's Guide to the Male Vocabulary ''Haven't I seen you before?'' = ''Nice ass.'' ''I'm a Romantic.'' = ''I'm poor.'' ''I need you.'' = ''My hand is tired.'' ''I am different from all the other guys.'' = ''I am not circumcised.'' ''I want a commitment.'' = ''I'm sick of masturbation.'' ''You're the only girl I've ever cared about.'' = ''You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me.'' ''I really want to get to know you better.'' = ''So I can tell my friends about it.'' ''It's just orange juice, try it.'' = ''3 more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head.'' ''She's kinda cute.'' = ''I wouldn't kick her out of bed but a pillow over the head might be necessary.'' ''I don't know if I like her.'' = ''She won't sleep with me.'' ''I miss you so much.'' = ''I am so horny that my male roommate is starting to look good.'' ''Was it good for you?'' = ''I'm insecure about my manhood.'' ''How do I compare with all your other boyfriends?'' = ''Is my penis really that small?'' ''I had a wonderful time last night.'' = ''Who the hell are you?'' ''Do you love me?'' = ''I've done something stupid and you might find out.'' ''Do you 'really' love me?'' = ''I've done something stupid and you're going to find out sooner or later.'' ''How much do you love me?'' = ''I've done something really stupid and someone's on their way to tell you by now.'' ''I have something to tell you.'' = ''Get tested.'' ''I'll give you a call.'' = ''I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again.'' ''I've been thinking a lot.'' = ''You're not as attractive as when I was drunk.'' ''I think we should just be friends.'' = ''You're ugly.'' ''I've learned a lot from you.'' = ''Next!'' ''I'm on a long distance call, can you call me later?'' = ''I gotta turn on my answering machine.''