1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife. 2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations. 3. You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house. 4. You've never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket. 5. You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday. 6. You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper. 7. You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops. 8. You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway. 9. Yo

You know you're a redneck if you introduce a friend to your wife and sister and he only has to shake one hand.

I was teaching my 6-year-old daughter how to unbuckle her seat belt. She asked, "Do I click the square?" I said yes. She then asked me, "Single click or double click?"

The Goriest, Scariest, Yuckiest Top 12 Things You Really Don't Want To See Written In Blood... 12) "Richard Hillman did it and------" 11) "Can you guess where your friends are?" 10) Your name signed on a Microsoft License Agreement 9) "Remember that kid you picked on during Junior Cert year..." 8) Your name on the bottom of a contract from Fianna Fail. (Irish government party) 7) "See! I can spell! Yor next" 6) "Luke, I am your father." 5) "Where the feck are the Elastoplasts?" 4) Your overdue Visa bill 3) "Does anyone have a spare Tampax?" 2) "Did yez ever wonder what happened to the blood you donated?" 1) "Dude you're gettin' a Dell!"

Can You Decipher This Phrase? E E Y E E D D Cross eyed!

A drunk phones the police. He yells, "Come quick! Thieves have stolen my dashboard, steering wheel, brake and gas pedal, and my dang radio!! MY RADIO!!" The police are just about to send out an officer when the drunk phones back. He says very calmly, "Sorry officers. It turns out I just got in my backseat."

This Australian truck driver is looking for a long distance driving job in Adelaide. He gets offered a job driving a load of bowling balls to Darwin. He's not too keen on this, but he needs the money and so takes off. A while along the highway he sees two Aborigines with a bike, in the middle of nowhere, so he stops and asks if they would like a lift. They say OK. The truck driver says, "All right, hop in, but you'll have to ride in the back." A 100 km down the road he stops at a truck stop, which amongst other things, involves a load inspection by the local cops. He is asked where he is off to and he says, "Darwin". The cops go round the back, open the doors, slam them shut quickly and rush

A. Nell Retentive A. Nell Soars A. Nellsechs A. Nellsex A. Nelprober A.S. Muncher Adolf Oliver Nipple Alotta Fagina Amanda D. P. Throat Amanda Faulk Amanda Huginkiss Amanda Hump Amanda Lick Amanda Mount Amanda Poker Ana Linjector Anita B. Jainow Anita B. Jaynow Anita Bath Anita Beejay Anita Dick Anita Dickinme Anita Dump Anita Handjob Anita Hanjaab Anita Hardcock Anita Hardcok Anita Head Anita Hoare Anita Hummer Anita Jackoff Anita Mandelay Anita Masingil Anita Naylor Anita Pussy Anita Semen Anita Wackoff Anita Woody Anita Wyderbox Annie Position Anya Neeze Barry McCociner Barry McDikkin Ben Derhover Ben Dover Ben Gurgen Hoffe Ben N. Syder Ben O. Verbich Ben R. Over Benoit B

Alabama: At Least We're not Mississippi Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong! Arizona: But It's a Dry Heat Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthing California: As Seen on TV Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character Delaware: We Really Do Like the Chemicals in our Water Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids Georgia: Without Atlanta we're Alabama Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money) Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes... Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S" Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free Iowa: We Do A

Why did the blonde steal a parked police car? She saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche. (Porsche 911)

Funny Names of Real People A. Blinkin A. Nicholas Fivepennies Aaron D. Tires Aaron Jeglad Aaron Yerfavor Abbie Birthday Abbie Seenia Abe L. Tuwok Abe Ozo Abe Rudder Abel N. Willan Abner Period Acassa Beer Acassa Coke Achilles Punks Ada Burger Adam Baum Adam Meway Adam Pimple Adam Zapple Adelaide Evening Adolph D'Plate Agusta Wind Al B. Zienya Al Beback Al Bequerque Al Bino Al Cahall Al Catraz Al Coholic Al Dente Al DePantzeu Al Fabet Al Fresco Al Gebra Al Gee Al Gore Ithem Al K. Seltzer Al Kaholic Al Kickurass Al Kida Al Killeu Al Ligator Al Low Al Lowe Vera Al Luminum Al Nino Al O'Moaney Alan A. Daiswerk Alan D'Family Alan Goodtime Alba Tross Alberto Viofive Albie L

*******before you read this I want you all to know this is a real letter written to an airline company by a passanger who rode in the plane*********** Dear Continental Airlines, I am disgusted as I write this note to you about the miserable experience I am having sitting in seat 29E on one of your aircrafts. As you may know, this seat is situated directly across from the lavatory, so close that I can reach out my left am and touch the door. All my senses are being tortured simultaneously. It's difficult to say what the worst part about sitting in 29E really is. Is it the stench of the sanitation fluid that's blown all over my body every 60 seconds when the door opens? Is it the wooos