Popular Jokes
What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes whack, dang. A bad skydiver goes dang, whack.
I was teaching my 6-year-old daughter how to unbuckle her seat belt. She asked, "Do I click the square?" I said yes.
She then asked me, "Single click or double click?"
Why did the blonde steal a parked police car?
She saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche. (Porsche 911)
A little boy was in his room playing with himself, when his father walked in.
"Son! If you masturbate too much, you're gonna go blind!"
"Dad," the boy said, "I'm over here."
A fisherman returned to shore with a giant marlin that was bigger and heavier than he.
On the way to the cleaning shed, he met a second fisherman who had a stringer with a dozen baby minnows.
The second fisherman looked at the marlin, turned to the first fisherman and said, "Only caught one, eh?"
A man goes into the bar and orders a scotch. He gulps it down, and looks in his hand. He orders another one. He gulps it down and orders another one. He again looks in his hand. He orders 2 scotches this time and gulps them both down. He looks in his hand. The bartender, curious, asks the man what's going on.
The man replies, "It's a picture of my wife. When she starts to look good, I'm going home."
Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball, suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head and passes the three women.
He passes the first woman, who looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband," she says.
He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband either."
She says, also not recognizing the unit.
He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her.
"Wait a minute," she says. "He's not even a member of this club."
Alabama:
At Least We're not Mississippi
Alaska:
11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!
Arizona:
But It's a Dry Heat
Arkansas:
Litterasy Ain't Everthing
California:
As Seen on TV
Colorado:
If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut:
Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character
Delaware:
We Really Do Like the Chemicals in our Water
Florida:
Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia:
Without Atlanta we're Alabama
Hawaii:
Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
(Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
Idaho:
More Than Just Potatoes...
Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois:
Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana:
2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa:
We Do A
Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about 50 years by Professor Bonk (really), and his course is semi-affectionately known as "Bonkistry". He has been around forever, so I wouldn't put it past him to come up with something like this.
Anyway, one year there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the mid-terms and labs, etc., such that going into the final they had a solid A. These friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chem final was on Monday), they decided to go up to U Virginia and party with some friends up there.
They did this and had a great time. Howev
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lighbulb?
None, they just assume they've gone blind.
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