Two cows were standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, straight up, no bull!"

Yo momma's so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals..."

How many boy scouts does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three- Each to do one good turn daily.

A guy is sitting at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He's slamming tequila left and right. He grabs one, drinks it, goes over to a window and jumps out. The guy who was sitting next to him couldn't believe that the guy had just done that. He was more surprised when, ten minutes later, the same guy, unscathed, comes walking back into the bar and sits back down next to him. The astonished guy asks "How did you do that? I just saw you jump out that window and we're hundreds of feet above the GROUND!". The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either. I slam a shot of tequila and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the

Why are New Yorkers always depressed? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.

Your momma so ugly when she walked through the graveyard 2 men came after her with shovels.

Yo mama is so stupid she waited at a Stop sign until it said Go.

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb? Only one-they don't like to share the spotlight.

Knock-knock Who's there? Boo! Boo who? Don't cry it's just a joke

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm schizophrenic And so am I!

There once was this deacon and this preacher, and they had been really good friends for a long time. Well, one day the deacon got sick and was taken to hospital, so the preacher decided to go and see his old friend. When he walked into the hospital room, the preacher noticed all the hoses and stuff they had going into the deacon. The preacher walked over and kneeled by the bed and asked, "How ya doing?" The deacon motioned at a pad and pen on the nightstand. "You want that?" the preacher asked him, and the deacon nodded his head yes. So the preacher handed his friend the pad and pen and the deacon began to write. All of a sudden the deacon died. At his funeral, the preacher was asked to deli

Diplomacy: The ability to tell a person to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.