Popular Jokes
Many authors are disputing who wrote the Shakespeare plays. They each say they did. In their arguing, they decide to try and prove who wrote it by first showing Shakespeare's work, then theirs.
Shakespeare version:
TITANIA to BOTTOM
Thou art as wise as thou art beautiful.
Jack London's version:
TITANIA to BOTTOM
You're as wise as the snowy owl and as beautiful as the clear night sky with fresh white snow under the Northern lights.
Dr. Seuss' version:
TITANIA to BOTTOM
You're as attractive as green eggs on a plate and the way you sing is fantastically great!
Homer's version:
TITANIA to BOTTOM
Be you as wise as Odysseus and as beautiful as fair Helen.
Guess who won.
Beware of the following new computer viruses
=====================================================
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS - Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
AIRBAG VIRUS - Can only cause harm if you are a petite computer operator who sits too close to the screen. Provides a handy ON-OFF switch in most current release.
AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS - You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
AL GORE VIRUS - Claims that it is the Internet. Causes your computer to just keep counting and re-counting.
ALZHEIMER'S VIRUS - It makes your computer forget where it put your files.
APPLE VIRUS - Virus-8, originally planned as a revolutionary redesign of aging but classic virus software, ha
In the depths of the countryside there lived a farmer who took care of baby animals. The farm was very peaceful until one day the farmer's pig was murdered.
Now the farmer took this incident very seriously, so he started an investigation. Unfortunately, the only witness the farmer had to this murder was his pet bunny rabbit.
Since the rabbit was unable to speak and tell him who murdered the little pig, the farmer lined up his four prime suspects, a cow, a horse, a goat, and a duck, and told the rabbit to pick out who had committed the dirty deed.
The rabbit hopped up and down the line, checking each animal, and then finally hopped forward three feet, and stopped in front of the goat.
"I
Teacher: Recite your tables to me, Joan.
Joan: Dining table, kitchen table, bedside table...
Three men are fishing. One catches a magic fish that will grant each one a wish if they let him go.
The first one wishes he could double his IQ. It is done.
The second one wishes to triple his IQ. It is done.
The last one (who is an idiot) wishes to multiply his IQ by a 1/2. The fish asks if he is sure; the man nods.
When the fish grants his wish, he turns into a blond.
One day a blond and a redhead were talking on the phone.
Blonde:My doctor told me I have to lose about ten pounds.
Redhead:Oh really? Do you know what you going to do?
Blonde: No not at all... hey you lost wieght recently. How did you do it?
Redhead: I used the special K diet
blonde:Whats that?
Redhead:Well you eat a bowl of special K for lunch and one for breakfast and have a sensable dinner each day. I lost 5 pounds in a week
Blonde: Okay thanks!
a week later the blonde calls back her friend
Redhead: How did it work?
blonde:Not well at all i gained 5 pounds
redhead: Really did you follow my intructions exactly?
blonde: Well no but i had to lose double the wieght
Redhead: Well what did you
Why did the white girl go have sex with a Mexican?
Because her teacher told her to do an ESE.
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