There were three boys with names Shutup, Manners and Trouble. They were walking around town when they realized Trouble was missing. Shutup and Manners searched and searched but failed to find the missing boy. At a lost, they went up to the Neighbourhood Police Post. Manners had to go to the toilet so Shutup went up and spoke to the policeman there. Policeman=P Shutup=S P: Hi little boy, what's your name? S: Shutup P: What a rude boy! Where are your manners? S: At the toilet P: What are you talking about? Are you looking for trouble here? S: Yes

A blonde came home from her first day commuting into the city. Her mother noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right?" "Not really," the blonde replied. "I'm nauseous from sitting backward on the train." "Poor dear," Mom said. "Why didn't you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?" "I couldn't," she replied, "there was no one there."

Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa. Hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He's all right now. How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path. What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? "Dam." What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses. What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand? Quatro sinko. What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an "A" bra. Where do you find a no legged dog? Right where you left him. Where do you get virgin wool from? Ugly, fast sheep.

A mother, accompanied by her small daughter, was in New York City. The mother was trying to hail a cab, when her daughter noticed several wildly dressed women who were loitering on a nearby street corner. The mother finally hailed her cab and they both climbed in, at which point the young daughter asks her mother, "Mommy, what are all those ladies waiting for by that corner?" The mother replies, "Those ladies are waiting for their husbands to come by and pick them up on the way home from work." The cabby, upon hearing this exchange, turns to the mother and says, "Ah, C'mon lady! Tell your daughter the truth! For crying out loud... They're hookers!" A brief period of silence follows, and

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have cotton balls.

Two blondes were starting a round of golf together. On the first tee, the first blonde smacked a beautiful drive down the center of the fairway. With a smile, she picked up the tee and walked to the cart. The second blonde cranked another good drive down the center of the fairway. Pleased, she hopped in the cart. When they arrived at the golf balls, they noticed that they were ten yards apart. "That's mine up there," said the first blonde, pointing to the ball closer to the green. "No way, I outdrove you easily," said the second blonde. Before you know it, fists were flying. After a brief scuffle, the second blonde stopped and said, "I know how we can solve this problem!" "How?"

Two good old boys, Bubba and Junior have been promoted from Privates to Sergeants. Not long after, they're out for a walk and Bubba says, "Hey, Junior, there's the NCO Club. Let's you and me stop in and have a drink." "But we's privates," protests Junior. "We's sergeants now," says Bubba, pulling him inside. "Now, Junior, I'm gonna sit down and have me a drink." "But, we's privates," says Junior. "You blind, boy?" asks Bubba, pointing at his stripes. "We's Sergeants now." So they order their drinks and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Bubba. "You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to take you someplace and make you feel good -- but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea." Bubba pulls his f

Two little boys were looking for a way to cool off on a hot summer day. Their dad wouldn't let them play in the sprinkler because he was mowing the lawn, so the boys set out to find a way to get wet and cool without getting into trouble. They sat on the curb brainstorming the solution, when suddenly one of them jumped up and declared, "I know! Let's get baptized!" Well, both boys had seen enough to know that you can get wet at a baptism, so they trotted on down to the church on the corner and told the pastor they wanted to get baptized. The irritated pastor finally relented after about 10 minutes of begging, and he finally dragged the boys to the men's room and dunked them both head fi

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Some people are like Slinkies...not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.