A man was bragging about his sister who disguised herself as a man and joined the Army. "But wait a minute," said the listener, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too, won't she?" "Sure," replied the man. "Well? Won't they find out?" "And who's gonna tell?"

1 Why did God create brunettes? So ugly men wouldn't feel left out 2 Why do brunettes like their dark hair color? It doesn't show the dirt 3 Why are brunettes so proud of their hair? It matches their mustache. 4 What do brunettes miss most about a great party? The invitation. 5 What do you call a good-looking man with a brunette? Gay, married, or a hostage.

1 What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla? Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do. 2 Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month? Because it says on it "good for up to 20 pounds." 3 Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? Because on the box it said From 2-4 years. 4 What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs? "Nice boobs!" 5 How does a blonde high-5? She smacks herself in the forehead.

One day, two women and a man die. When they go to heaven, St. Peter tells them they could do whatever they want as long as they didn't step on a pink cloud. One day, one of the three people were seen walking with two ugly men. "I tripped and fell on a pink cloud," she explained, "then **POOF** here he was." The next day, the other woman was seen walking with an even uglier guy! She said, "I was pushed onto a pink cloud. Then **POOF** here was this gross guy." A few days later, the two women, and their ugly men, saw the guy that had died walking with a gorgeous woman. They asked him what happened. He said, "Oh, she stepped on a pink cloud."

You might be redneck if you've totaled every car you've owned.

The animals were bored. Finally, the lion had an idea. "I know a really exciting game that the humans play called football. I've seen it on T.V." He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited about it so they decided to play. They went out to the field and chose up teams and were ready to begin. The lion's team received. They were able to get two first downs and then had to punt. The mule punted, and the rhino was back deep for the kick. He caught the ball, lowered his head and charged. First, he crushed a roadrunner then two rabbits. He gored a wildebeast, knocked over two cows, and broke through to daylight, scoring six. Unfortunately, they lacked a placek

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters. Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes. Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit. Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever.

Ralph's father said, "Let me see your report card." Ralph replied, "I don't have it." "Why not?" His father asked. "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

An older couple are playing in the annual golf club championship. They are playing in a play off hole and it is down to a 6 inch putt that the wife has to make. She takes her stance and her husband can see her trembling. She putts and misses; they lose the match. On the way home in the car her husband is fuming, "I can't believe you missed that putt! That putt was no longer than my 'willy'." The wife just looked over at her husband and smiled and said, "Yes dear, but it was much harder!"

She sent me a fax with a stamp on it. -She tripped over the cordless phone. -She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. -She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. -At the bottom of the application where is says "Sign here", she wrote Sagittarius. -If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless. -When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved. -She got an AM radio. It took her 9 months to figure out that she could use it at night. -She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate".

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. He says, "My dog's cross-eyed, can you do something for him?" "Let's have a look at him," says the vet, as he picks up the dog, examines his eyes, and checks his teeth. "I'm going to have to put him down," he finally says. "What?" says the man, "just because he's cross-eyed?" "No," replies the vet, "because he's really heavy!"

A man walks into a dentist's and says, "Can you help me? I think I'm a moth." The dentist says, "You need a psychiatrist, mate." The man says, "Yes, I know." The dentist replies, "Well, why have you come in here?" "Your light was on!"