A man finds a wallet with $700 in it. A few days later, he reads a notice stating that a wealthy man has lost his wallet and is offering a $50 reward to anyone who returns it. He soon locates the owner and gives him the wallet, and the rich man counts the money and says, "I see you have already taken your reward." The poor man responds, "What are you talking about?" The wealthy man continues, "This wallet had $750 in it when I lost it." The two men begin arguing, and eventually they go to court to sort out their differences. Both men present their case, the poor man first, then the wealthy man who concludes by saying, "Your Honour, I trust you believe me." The Judge says, "Of course." Th

Knock-Knock...Who's there?....The Gestapo...The Gestapo, who?.....VEE VILL BE ASKING ZE QUESTIONS HERE!!

Did you get any under the tree? I think your balls are hanging too low. Check out Rudolph's honker! Santa's sack is really bulging. Lift up the skirt so I can get a whiff. Did you get a piece of the fruitcake? I love licking the end till it's really sharp and pointy. From here you can't tell if they're artificial or real. Can I interest you in some dark meat? To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall.

Did you hear about the new Polish million dollar lotery? You get a dollar a year for a million years!!!

There are 99 Blonds on a plane and 1 Brunette. The captain radios in that they are going down, So they drop all the luggage. They were still going down so they drop out all the chairs. They were still going down so they dropped the floor. So they are hanging by their hands from the top on the plane with no floor. So the captain say's "1 person jump out" the Brunette say's "I'll sacrifice my life", and all the Blonds start clapping.

A Blonde is getting on an elevator and meets a gentleman on board. "T.G.I.F." she says. "S.H.I.T" was his reply. Puzzled she replied "T.G.I.F" The gentleman was getting a little disturbed the the remark, so he says again. "S.H.I.T.". The Blonde leans over and whispers "THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY". The gentleman responses with "SORRY, HONEY IT'S THURSDAY".

The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local card and novelty shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she wants her sign back

Hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers? It's called, Sosumi.

A little boy was watching a handyman at work on the upper story of a house. Suddenly the man drops a hammer, and comes down the ladder to retrieve it. The little boy calls out, "My daddy would have two hammers so he wouldn't have to come the ladder when he dropped one." The handyman says, "Yeah, that's great, kid", and climbs back up the ladder and returns to work. Within a few minutes, he drops his screwdriver, and comes back down the ladder. The little boy calls out again, "My daddy would have two screwdrivers so he wouldn't have to come down the ladder when he dropped one." The handyman mutters something and returns up the ladder. A few minutes later, the man realizes he has to go

Prelim explanation: It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception. As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was a manila envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope. Inside each m

The following are messages written by children to God, Dear GOD, Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? -Norma Dear GOD, Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You just keep the ones You have now? -Jane Dear GOD, Who draws the lines around the countries? -Nan Dear GOD, I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? -Neil Dear GOD, What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything. -Jane Dear God, Did you really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"? Because if you did, then I'm going to fix my brother! -Darla Dear GOD, Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a

More mistakes in publication, -Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else. -Stock up and save. Limit: one. -Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it. -We build bodies that last a lifetime. Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last. -This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes and Gardens. -For Sale--Diamonds $20; microscopes $15. -For Rent: 6-room hated apartment. -Man, honest. Will take anything. -Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required. -Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop. -Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Mus