Popular Jokes
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley
Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced. - James Baldwin
Life is hard. After all, it kills you. - Katherine Hepburn
If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? "Would you like some breadsticks?" "No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll." - George Carlin
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were? - Satchel Paige
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. - Jim Carrey
My dog is half pit bull, half po
Save the trees - wipe your arse with an owl.
"My point-and-click interface is an Uzi submachine gun."
Saint Michael - patron saint of underpants
I'm an apathetic sociopath - I'd kill you if I cared.
I'm completely sane, according to the voices in my head.
My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud.
Skiing is for people who can't just break their legs around the house.
Penguins mate for life. That doesn't surprise me much cos they all look alike.
Grammar has gots to be one of the most importantest things ever!
If I were a recovering s*x addict, I'd opt for group therapy.
"I hope I never do anything to bring shame on myself, my family or my other family."
"Secre
How do you know Adam wasnt black?
Have you ever tried to take a rib away from a black man?
How do you know when Mexicans are illegal?
When you scream "La Migra", and everybody is gone in less than a minute.
How do you know when a white guy's family is really white?
When he tries to be black or mexican.
Woman tells man: :"I demand good manners in bed just like at the dinner table." So man gets into bed slowly, smiles & says: "Honey, would u please pass me the vagina?"
1) Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
She Missed!
2) What do you call a blonde holding a balloon?
Twins!
3) Why doesn't a blonde drive a BMW?
Because she can't spell it!
4) How is a blonde the same as a bottle?
Thier both empty from the neck up!
5) Did you hear about the blonde that shot an arrow into the air?
She missed!
Once there was a blond, a red head, and a brunette. They had to tell a joke in order not to go to hell.
So the red head goes first:
"What do you call a boy going to jail?
A Micheal Jackson lover."
(not that funny) So she goes to hell.
Then the burnette says:
"What's the difference between your mama and the blond's mama?
The blond's has a bigger chance on giving it up
and yours doesn't need any."
(not that funny either) So, she goes to hell as well.
Finally, the blond says:
"Knock-knock!
Who's there?
God
God who?
Godzilla!" (not that funny)
But, the blond gets in! Why?
Because, she used God and didn't notice it.
When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this:
"Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'"
One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook?"
One day, about a month ago, the president was looking for a call girl. He found three such ladies in a local lounge - a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead.
To the blonde he said, "I am the President of the United States... How much would it cost me to spend some time with you? The blonde replied, "Two hundred dollars."
To the brunette he posed the same question, and she replied, "One hundred dollars."
He then asked the redhead the same question. The redhead replied, "Mr. President, if you can raise my skirt as high as my taxes... get my panties as low as my wages... get that thing of yours as hard as the times... keep it as high as the gas prices... keep me warmer than my apartmen
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