Knock KnocK??? Who's there? Ya Ya who? Where did that cowboy come from??

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair, in a well lit place, with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 2. Check your email. 3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand. 4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate. 5. Check your email. 6. Stop off at another floor on the way back, and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonalds and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you her paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-thru plastic folders, drop her. 7. When you get back to your room, sit in a s

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep the entire store." "But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom. Let me show you how."

Husband and wife are doing the spring house cleaning. Wife asks husband to hang some new curtain rods, but he can't do it without toggle bolts. He sends her to the hardware store where she asks the man behind the counter for two toggle bolts. He puts them on the counter, then asks, "You wanna screw for these?" "No," she replies, "but I'll blow you for the clock radio on the shelf."

A brother and sister are in a terrible car accident and the brother is badly injured. At the hospital the doctor tells the sister, "His brain is dead, but his pulse is still beating." The sister replies, "Oh no! We've never had a Democrat in the family before!"

What you call a man with no arms and no legs at a work-out place? Jim What you call a man with no arms and no legs at your door? Matt What you call a man with no arms and no legs in your bathroom? John What you call a man with no arms and no legs in a trench? Phil What you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pit? Doug What you call a man with no arms and no legs with a cat? Tom What you call a girl with one leg? Ilene What you call a Japanese girl with one leg? Irene What do you call a pig with no legs? Groundhog

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?" "Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man." "Well I'll be," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long

BASIC: Bill''s Attempt to Seize Industry Control（比尔的企图：夺取工业控制） ISDN: It Still Does Nothing（它仍然什么都不做） DOS: Defunct Operating System（已死亡的操作系统） MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs（大部分功能崩溃，如果没有，则操作系统挂起） WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System（将在所有系统中安装无用数据） MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers（大部分聪明的用户认识到我们的软件仅仅欺骗年轻人）

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Known to friends as Brown-n-Serve, Fresh was an avid gardener and tennis player. Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Aunt Jemima, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Skippy. The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded." Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart c

1. Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement. 2. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach the armpit level of a woman, but only the waist level of the man lying beside her. 3. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil. 4. All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread. 5. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least a half-hour to escape. 6. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake

Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one of the questions. The manager went to the first applicant and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to the other applicant." "And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct," asked the rejected applicant. "We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed," said the Department manager. "And just how would one incorrect ans

Little Jimmy bit his fingernails all the time. His parents tried everything to get him to stop, but to no avail. Finally, his mother, exasperated, decided to tell him a little white lie to get him to stop. "Jimmy," she said, "You'd better stop biting your fingernails. If you don't, then those fingernails will pile up inside your stomach and soon your stomach will be huge and full of fingernails." Jimmy, worried about the idea of fingernails in his stomach, agreed to stop. The next day, Jimmy and his mom were shopping in a supermarket. They went to check out, and a pregnant woman was waiting in line in front of them. Jimmy beamed at the pregnant woman and said, "I know what YOU'VE been do