An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the history teacher that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the history teacher selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the history teacher, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. One of his colleagues whispers, "Say something." The history teacher sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."

Did You Know .... Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus? It is called the anal optic nerve. It is responsible for giving people a crappy outlook on life. If you don't believe it, pull a hair from your ass, and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye.

This is an actual chatroom conversation from a "local Chatroom" Joe: I wonder what would happen if you had a sleep number bed, and set it to 69? Christy: ? huh? Mike: I dont know, but it sure sounds tasty! Joe: You probably wouldn't understand Christy, you're too pure and innocent. Christy: Maybe... sounds more like a police code or something Mike: lol, ya, that's it. "This is the dispatcher, what is your status" Joe: lol "We have a 69 in progress at the overpass, Officer needs assistance" Mike: "Move in! Move in! Officer has gone down, repeat, Officer has gone down! Joe: "Someone better call the fire department, looks like we'll need the Jaws of Life for this one!" Christy:

Magazine Bunch of printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue.

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt. - Abraham Lincoln.

What really does happen to MS programmers once they die? Did you hear about the Microsoft Windows programmer who died? He found himself in front of a committee that decides whether you go to Heaven or Hell. The committee told the programmer he had some say in the matter and asked him if he wanted to see Heaven and Hell before stating his preference. "Sure," he said, so an angel took him to a place with a sunny beach, volleyball, and rock and roll, where everyone was having a great time. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "Heaven is great!" "Wrong," said the angel. "That was Hell. Want to see Heaven?" "Sure!" So the angel took him to another place. Here a bunch of people were sitting in a park playing

After failing his "Logistics and Organization" exam, a student confronted his professor. "Sir, do you understand anything about this subject?" "Of course, otherwise I would not be a professor!" "Really? Then allow me to ask you one question. If you answer it correctly, I'll accept my failing grade and leave quietly, but if you don't know the answer, I want an 'A' on my exam." "Okay, it's a deal. What's your question?" "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?" After long consideration, the professor conceded and changed the student's score to an "A." Afterwards, the professor asked one of his best students the same question. The good studen

A couple whose marriage was going on the rocks sought the advice of a marriage counsellor. The counsellor pleaded with them to patch up their quarrel, but they were adamant. "So," said the counsellor, "you know the consequences and you want to part. Remember this. You must divide your property equally." The wife flared up. "You mean the $4,000 I have saved up? I must give him half? My money?" "Yes," said the counsellor. "He gets $2,000, you get $2,000." "What about my furniture? I paid for that." "Same thing," answered the counsellor. "Your husband gets the bedroom and the living room; you get the dining room and the kitchen." There was a challenging gleam in the wife's eye. "What abou

At a wedding, the D.J. polled the guests to see who had been married the longest. The winners were then asked, "What advice do you have for the newlyweds?" The wife quickly responded, "The three most important words in a marriage are 'You're probably right'." Everyone then looked at the husband. He said, "Yeah, she's probably right!"

The computer, the greatest invention in life even though it's bad for you.

A man goes to the store with a list of things he needs to buy for his wife, and as he is going in he sees a child with free kittens. He continues and buys the things on the list. On the way out he sees the free kittens again and no-one has taken any. So he takes his things to his car, comes backs and takes the SIX kittens that are left. He goes home brings in the groceries and then the six kittens. when his wife sees the six kittens she says "Why do you have six kittens, six kittens!" Husband calmly replys, "Six kittens hell, those are six pale bearers for your dead pussy!"

Why did the chicken do a poo right in front of a hole on a really busy footpath? Because he wanted people to slip on the poo and fall in the hole.