Wonder if you are a redneck....Well, if you have been married four times and still have the same in-laws you must be.

"Is there chicken in your vegetarian gumbo?" - Asked of a waitress. "Just the chicken." The response a waitress gave when asked if there were any dairy products in a soup. "Would you like cream and sugar with that?" - Asked by a waitress when a customer specified orange juice instead of coffee as part of a breakfast meal. "Do you want cheese on that?" - Asked when a customer ordered a plain cheeseburger. "You want fries with that?" - Asked when a customer ordered an apple turnover. "Do you want onions on that?" - A waitress, in response to a couple ordering a milk shake and a large cola. "Is there any meat in the veggie rolls?" "Do you get rice with your fried rice?" "I'm sorry, we o

One day, a little Indian boy came up to an old man in the village (In the Indian heritage, the oldest are most wise). The little boy asks, "How do we Indians get their names? Like... Blackhawk, or Redeyes?" The old man says, "Well, actually, when they are born, the first thing we see is what we name them." "Oh! Okay, thanks!" says the little boy. "Any more questions, Two Dogs Fucking?"

You are a redneck if: Your mother has ammo on her Christmas list!

You are a redneck if: you have a glass eye collection.

Woman tells man: :"I demand good manners in bed just like at the dinner table." So man gets into bed slowly, smiles & says: "Honey, would u please pass me the vagina?"

Everyone can be an Echo! 1] Repeat everything a person says & does in an exaggerated way 2] If your victim tries to get you to stop by saying something like, 'I'm a stupid furball,' say ' at least you have the courage to admit it!' 3]This is the most important instruction! DO NOT LET YOUR VICTIM NEAR A BOOK!

Ways To Annoy People On The Subway Stand in front of the doorway and glare at people when they try to get by. Constantly ask people for directions. Don't take a shower for a month. Tell the people your problems. They really want to know.

Person #1: "Want to hear a joke?" Person #2: "Sure." Person #1: "Your face." ~ Your momma is so fat, she is overweight. ~ Two turds were hanging out. The first one was moaning and groaning. The second one asked, "What's wrong?" The first one replied, "I feel like crap."

George Bush to friend: Sorry I forgot your birthday. Dick Cheney forgot to put it on my to-do list.

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I wi

Q: Why were the British fighting us in the war of 1812? A: Because they were done beating up the French, and they needed someone new to pick on.