To be a Good Dog..

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog: 1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up. 2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell. 3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they are tasty, they are not food. 4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. 5. The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's laps. 6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator. 8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration. 9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet. 10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying 'hello.' 11. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. 12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house. 13. I will not throw up in the car. 14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt. 15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over. 16. The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing. And, finally, my last question....... Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?