You might be a redneck if you list your dog or cat as a dependent on your taxes. You might be a redneck if you have never been on a main road. You might be a redneck if you drive a minivan to the prom. You might be a redneck if the most expensive jewelery you have came from Dollar General.

Vegetable: "Hey, lets get married." Fruit: "I'm sorry." Vegetable: "We could secretly get married." Fruit: "No, we couldn't." Vegetable: "Why?" Fruit: "Because we can't elope." Can't elope = cantelope

Two Alabama State Trooper Patrol cars were in hot pursuit of a Camaro heading east towards Georgia on I-90. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first trooper pulled over immediately. The rookie Trooper pulled over right behind him and asked, "Sarge, why'd you stop?" "You dumb rookie," replied the Sarge. "He's in Georgia now. They're an hour ahead of us, so we'll never catch him."

Knock-Knock Who's there? Apricot. Apricot who? Apricot my key, open up!

Knock, knock. Who's There? Yule. Yule who? Yule never know until you open the door!

Knock-Knock. Who's there? Yoo who? No thanks.

How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: 8 men, One to get off the couch, One to find a lightbulb, One to find a ladder, One to screw it in, One to shock himself and shock everyone around, One to call a docter, One to find out that it wasn't out, the switch was off, and finally, one to sit back in laugh!

Knock Knock Who's there? Bach! Bach who? Bach to work!

Mother decided that 7-year-old Cathy should get something 'practical' for her birthday. "Suppose we open a savings account for you?" mother suggested. Cathy was delighted. "It's your account, darling," mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application." Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for 'Name of your former bank.' After a slight hesitation, she put down 'Piggy.'

Keep talking, I always yawn when I'm interested.

You are a redneck if: You like to brag you learned to fire a shotgun before you could walk.

A woman is having a problem with her closet door, it was falling off every time a bus was passing by. So she called a repair man. The repairman comes and sees that indeed, the door falls off every time a bus passes by. "OK, I'm going to see what is going on, just close the door behind me" and he steps into the closet. Just then, the husband comes from work, opens the closet and finds the repairman. Husband: "What the hell are you doing here!" Repairman: "Well, you're not going to believe it, but I'm waiting for a bus!"